Tonight I realised I actually welcome the long hours. I realised that as long as I can come in after 10:00 am, I'm fine with staying in. The later I can sleep, the later I can manage at work. There's a sense of comraderie in being able to compare the times we all leave down there. Mind you some of the paginators and graphic artists don't reach home until after 1:00 am but I've got a lot of them beat because while they don't usually come in until after 12 noon, on Monday and Tuesdays I'm at 9:00 am slaving on the page. But I really have started not to mind. The sheer satisfaction in seeing your page come to life as the paginators work their magic with the software is exhilarating. It's a drug, I'm actually happy my pages are spread across three days of the week.
The funny thing is though, although I've been bunkered down until after 7:00 pm at work most nights (Tuesday was until 10:30 am) someone apparently thinks that I've been all smiles and happy since J left on Sunday. Since this came up yesterday I've been wondering who saw me because I've only see other staff down at Beechwood... obviously they missed it when I burst into tears in the SAJ parking lot after seeing the people my Mom used to work with, and they weren't there when someone at work showed me an album with pictures of my mother when she was probably younger than I am now all smiles, head wrapped up colourfully, somewhere in Barbados... but "mouth mek fi talk" as Jas says his grandma told him.
Right now I'm relaxing, my Harry Potter is here, I'm wrapping up a great Amanda Quick--just found another one in the Lee's Rx bookstore, which made up for the cashier being quite rude--and I'm looking forward to getting my FIRST ever bucket seat put in next week. They're something I've always dreamed of having but never good afford. So thanks to Basil for a great deal! *two thumbs way up*
On Thursday I'd gone by the columbarium where my Mom's ashes are and all the orchids are dying. I dipped the green pots in the water fountain but I don't think that will help. The corner where she is looks so dark... tomorrow morning I plan to leave early enough so that I can go and get a lot of flowers to place there before I go into work. I'm also going to get a nice picture frame that should be able to withstand some sun and rain and I'm going to put a picture of the two of us in it and set it in the corner. As much as I love having somewhere to go--because many people don't have places where their loved ones are laid to rest--I also dread going, it reaffirms that it's final. She's gone... God, someone even said to me on Wednesday down at SAJ, "Bwoy is like everytime I see you, I see your Mommy." I wanted to just toss my glass away and just howl. I miss her so much.
- Mood:calm-the house is cool & quiet
No comments:
Post a Comment