"You're finally pregnant!"

As if to say we just now conceived LOL The funniest thing is that some people are just now realising that I'm pregnant, like a co-worker who I say hi to and see at least twice a week. I couldn't help but grin at the shocked expression on his face as he gazed down at my bump and comprehension dawned in his eyes. Come to think of it, now that I look at this picture, I still don't really look that pregnancy (note: I'll be all of 7 months next week). I mean, the clothing tells the tale, that's a maternity top, but those jeans are actually a size 5 pair of jeans from Long Elegant Legs that I'd bought last year. Praise the Lord too, they're the only pair of jeans that can still fit, and apparently maternity jeans manufacturers don't believe tall women get pregnant.

What's up with that anyway? Even before I got pregnant I always had massive problems, like the Gap for some reason is all gung-ho about Long length jeans, but do they make long length pants? No. What? Tall women only wear jeans? And by tall, I mean 34" inseam. That's tall. Not this 30" or 32" inseam that some people try to pass off as long length that look like regular floodas pants, as opposed to the regular 28" Katrina-style floodas pants. Hmm, I sense that this post is becoming a rant LOL Actually I'm in a pretty good mood today. Got a lot of stuff done on the road and I'm done getting dolled up for Jas' arrival next Tuesday. Anyway, Moo Moo's starting to tense up... time to go eat!

Pet peeves

What is it with people who come up to you and say, "Now I don't mean to be negative or criticize but..." I mean, really, cut the crap. Yes, you absolutely have to be open to criticism, suggestions and comments, but I'd like to think those should be of the constructive kind. True, that statement in itself is quite innocent, but you know it's anything but by the smirk that accompanies it on the speakers face. They may as well push the: 'Get Kim's Back Up' button, because although I've learned to mask my emotions (they used to play on my face like the lastest blockbuster showng at Carib 5), I instantly go on the offensive. No, not defensive, no retreating into any shell here. I instantly start thinking how I'm going to cut the person off so I can get back to what I was doing before.

See, the sad thing is that it's always easier for humans to bitch. Finding something negative to say is usually not too hard, and some people seem to delight in actually searching for ways to bring other people down. We live in a society where people will happily harp on the slightest mistake or shortcoming until the second coming of our Lord, but ask them how everyone is going to move forward or dare to ask if they have a solution and they draw blank quicker than special forces guys on a training simulation.

I think that's what annoys me most about that statement, the underlying knowledge that most times the speaker has nothing positive to add, because you know what, I love hearing suggestions and new ideas. Even if it's not the instant solve-all answer. They're usually a start and you can sit down together and hash things out from there - your ideas triggering mine and back and forth we go - until the problem runs a little bit smoother, or we've ironed out most things to make sure that the mistake doesn't occur again.

Idealism, it's a hell of a burden to bear I tell you.

• Mood: calmer than when i started the blog
• Music: one day cricket on the tellie

Quotes 2105

Not sure who came up with this one...

The career of a writer is comparable to that of a woman of easy virtue. You write first for pleasure, later for the pleasure of others and finally for the money.

In other news: My child will not starve, I have COLUSTRUM! No, I'm not going to explain what that means. I know in a couple weeks I'll look back at this post and be embarassed as hell but right now I'm too happy to care. Can't be bothered to find a dictionary? Ask a heavily pregnant woman or new mother (older Moms might not remember).

Blog therapy

Ever get the feeling that nothing you do is ever good enough? Most times you can shrug it off though because you know you've done your best. Maybe not shrug it off, but as my Moms used to tell me when my report card would have one or two bad grades, "If you can look me in the eye and honestly say you gave it your best shot and there was nothing else you could do, then that's good enough." So I didn't get a trophy at that last dexterity outing. It still hurts like hell but I could sleep that night because I knew that was the best I've ever driven in my car. I have along way to go with this RWD thing, okay.

But somethings aren't that easy to shrug off. Even though I'm not a teenager any more, even though I know how he treats me is wrong, even though I have a wonderful husband who's shown me what love really is and helped me believe in my own self-worth, this man can still bring me to tears. Although they're more tears of frustration because I'm angry at myself than the tears of despair they once were, they're still tears. Why can't I stop them even when I know that nothing I do will ever be good enough for him? I stopped actively trying to do his version of 'good enough' and started learning to really love myself a couple months back - thank God - so I really hope it's just pregnancy hormones why I still shed these tears.

Ironic isn't it that he's supposedly so concerned that work is stressing me out in this, what he calls my 'delicate', state. Right. That's why when a co-worker asked last month why I'm always working so late I answered that being at work is less stressful than being at 'home'.

Blog therapy. Instant. Helpful. Free.

Quotes 1705

This one is stellar...

"I'm very happy to believe that Jesus was married," said McKellen, an outspoken defender of gay rights since disclosing his homosexuality in the late 1980s. "And I know the Catholic church has problems with gay people, and I thought this would be absolute proof that Jesus was not gay."

It's from Ian McKellen, who plays a Grail enthusiast in The Da Vinci Code. Critics at the Cannes Film Festival said he stole the show in the film and also at a press conference with the above comment.

Thank you to everyone...

... who sent Mother's Day wishes. I looked at the laptop this morning (was too tired when I came in from work last night) and I had so many MSN messages from friends and acquaintances wishing my Happy Mother's Day that I almost started crying.

Here's one of the nicest ones I received:

i read ur blog for this morning and i cant say i understand wat u r going through but from what i have seen and heard u have had and r having a great life just being who u r and i guess u should b happy that u had as much time as u did with ur mom and i predict that u r going to b a great mom u already have the text book situations down pat and i want u to know that i have been grateful to God...

for placing u in y life and kim whenever u want i will share my mom there is enough of her to go around it might not be the same but it is a gesture but i am sure u have other angels that ur mom has secretly put in ur life to replace her (Maelynn hint hint) it might not b a coincidence that ur first child is a girl

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

Thanks Sue! And to everyone who sent me messages, and most of all to Jas'... you made my day.

Life lessons

My Moms always had a life lesson handy and not the ones you see being advertised on TV. Since she was also an irreverent, fun-loving person, in addition to being a great forward thinker and compassionate, a lot of the life lessons were hilarious. Like her answer to whenever I had a headache was to ask, "Kimmie, when last you go to the bathroom?" According to Moms, anything backing up down there would give you a headache. Now, that might sound weird to some people, but if I went to the bathroom after that I was always okay!

She always had a way of delivering even the most poignant lessons in such a tongue-in-cheek manner that they never flew over my head or got scoffed at when I was a teenager. Like I remember one day, she'd picked me up from school and we were right at the filter lane at the top of the road from here. I can't quite remember what had happened, but I must've been apprehensive about some people/something at school and she passed down a gem from her own Ma: "You don't ever have to be afraid of anybody because we all put on our drawers one foot at a time." I remember I'd expected something cliche like, "because we're all human beings" or "we all bleed the sae blood" or something like that, but what she said not only had me laughing again but also feeling confident again. I've never forgotten that one. Nowadays when I feel apprehensive, I just picture the person in question hopping about on one foot trying to put on their drawers!

I'm going to dwell on stuff like that today, Mother's Day, instead of the fact that she's gone and we won't be having double Mommy Day brunch like I'd always dreamed. God is looking out for me too, this morning just as I'd dragged myself out of bed determined not to lie in and cry, I got a call from a coworker who said that she'd been waiting since midnight for a decent hour to try and be the first one to wish me my first Happy Mother's Day. She was the first too, narrowly beating out another friend who sent a text message. So while I can't go through The Book of Questions, and 1001 Questions with my Mom, as suggested by an MSN.com reader, there are still lots of new memories to be made... I think I'll get that book to share with my husband, and maybe someday I'll be lucky enough that our daughter might want to share it with me too.

Louiiiisiana :)

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat besidehim. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nailsand moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked.

"Oh man...I've been transferred to Louisiana," the other guy answered. "There's crazy people in Louisiana and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."
"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in Louisiana all my life, and it's is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a Coca-Cola truck in Shreveport.

I had a photo of the Jamaican Toyota protype that had about 24 cp (cow power) but it seems that the photo didn't attach when a coworker forwarded it to me :(

• Mood: belly full
• Music: gardener cutting someone's grass

Quotes 4506

I like random quotes. Many of my bookmarks are devoted to sites that list them and I even have a quote book lying around the house somewhere. I figure I may as well Blog them as well, since the majority I find online these days. This one came from the BBS forum over at the Sims 2 website:

Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
(TS2 BBS)

Tapping the side of the keyboard

I guess this is what happens when you haven't blogged in awhile but have a million and one things that you've been thinking about saying. Like the fact that my car was broken into last Thursday morning (may the bastards rot in the most cesspit-like, fierry nether reaches of hell). Mind you, they took my radio, which has been broken since February with my Maroon 5 CD stuck inside. But they also got my Palm PDA which had slipped out my bag and was apparently on the back seat. Luckily, they jimmed open the door and didn't break the lock or the window. I suppose I shouldn't be too upset, they even left the screws that had been holding the radio in its bracket. At the end of the day I still feel severely violated. I've never had a vehicle broken into before and I'm just now feeling comfortable sitting in the car alone again. Silly, I know, but it's like I keep feeling that someone is going to come up from behind the passenger seat and nab me.

Then, there's the hellish pregnancy gas pain I've been going through. Male and more squimish readers feel free to skip this paragraph, but I just had to put this in there. I mean who KNEW that gas pains could hurt THIS bad? Two weeks ago I even went to my OB in tears because I thought there was something hurting my baby. I did a blood test and a urine test (which of course turned up nothing) and it wasn't until my last lamaze class, when they hit full force, that I found out what was going on. The lady in front of me turned to see if I was okay and then randomly asked if I'd been drinking cows milk. Who knew that 100% cows milk could cause suck distress?! I guess I'll have to try 2% but until then it's a straight diet of ginger tea.

Other than that I'm here enjoying Moo Moo moving around in my tummy. It's like being in my own special world, since although if you put your hand on my tummy you will feel her kicking, it doesn't feel quite the same for anyone else as it does for me :)

• Mood:happy
• Music:some techno music someone's playing on their radio