Since my Moms passed it's like all my birthdays have been super crappy. Maybe taking August 10 off the calendar would be a bit drastic. I know other people who have the same birthday and I wouldn't want to rob them of any fun. Maybe next year I'll just stay in bed and sleep the day away. Hopefully I'll be home with J by then too. Sometimes being here just weighs on me so much. No one seems to understand how much. Is the facade I hide behind that good? I guess so. I have had many years of practice from living in this house as a teenager. It just hurts that often those close to me seem to believe the facade when I thought they'd know that deep down I'm cut up and bleeding inside. So what will I do? Keep trying to help J cope with the distance and toss myself more forcibly into work to drown my sorrows in baseview, newsprint, pictures and ink.
- Mood:i don't know how to feel
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