Brazilian Wax

The things we women do for love :)

But I can't lie, I like it. *devilish grin* So I'm going to keep it up, my next appointment is in two weeks time.

• Mood:content but tender

Trading My Sorrows

Darryl Evans

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes, Lord
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes, Lord
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes, Lord. Amen

This is a song from a women's retreat I went to earlier this year with my friend Dee. Singing it, or even just thinking it makes me feel like all things are possible. And I know that I'll get home soon, and that all of this serves some purpose... maybe even one as simple as bring J and I closer together :)

• Mood:calm

Sit back and relax

I usually get my best blog quotes in the shower. But then by the time I get to a computer it's an hour and a half later and the flashes of brilliance (well that's what my 6th form Econ teacher used to call them anyway) are long gone. And now that I have the time I can't think of anything to talk about, so I'm just typing. Let's see, big things that happened this week.

Oh! I start school at UCC on Monday September 5. My biggest fear is that my program isn't accredited yet. And fnding this out only after I made my payment for the first semester is all my fault. Initially I'd applied to do the Associate in Business Administration and I did all the research for that course, it's accredited with the UCJ (Jamaican college accreditation people) under the Institute of Management Studies (IMS), it's a fairly long running program. But then I got a call one day in July saying that because I have over 60 hours of college credit by way of my BA in Social Sciences, I qualify to get the BSc in Biz Admin in only two years, would I like to do that, they asked. And I, of course said yes. I mean who wouldn't want to do a Bachelors in the same time it takes to do the Associates for only a little bit more money?

Then at orientation on Thursday night as the VP of Academic Affairs spoke I just got a sinking feeling in my tummy. So when my Biz Admin coordinator got up to speak in our breakout session I asked, and was told no, the BSc isn't accredited yet because the first class graduates next year and UCC needs to graduate one class from the program before they can apply for accreditation.

Honestly though, I'm not daunted, UCU had only graduated its first class the year when I started... but then the little voice in the back of my head reminds me that Universiteit Utrecht (the parent institution) is well over 300 years old. Well, I have to at least go through a semester because I wouldn't be getting back my money in full if I withdraw now. I'm also trying to get in touch with the admin people at BPCC to see how I could arrange to transfer my credits so that when I go home I can pick up there... and if BPCC will take these credits, then I'll have absolutely no problems at all.

• Tags: ucc
• Mood:slightly worried

Spiritually

Where do you stand on spirituality?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9014628/site/newsweek/

Just something I saw on the net when I was logging out of my Hotmail account. Things have been so hectic lately I haven't even had time to blog! Jas and I found out the wonders of Windows XP Remote Assistance and it's a God-send, especially since he'd had to reinstall XP because Norton crashed and took down the whole system. Now he sends me an invitation and I can 'log on' to our PC at home, see what's going on and fix what needs fixing :) We were up quite late last night protecting the machine from viruses, worms, trojans and malicious codes.

Today was a typical Monday at work, just a bit more looking around and ordering graphics and images but we were done earlier than last week, so I can't really complain too loudly.

Speaking of complain, I've been doing a lot of thinking on that topic lately, and I believe it just may be one of my vices: I have been complaining quite a bit lately. And it's not that I haven't realised it -- yes, this is the excuse -- but I think I'm justified, I mean I'm trapped here! But no, I did think more about it and I've decided to quit whinging and whining so much.

Well, back to organising my Hotmail contacts, YES I'm a geek at heart, so no need to say anything about it ;-)

Survey Says...

That this is what men want...

And I know damn sure that I do not have an ass like that... but at least my hair is real! LOL

• Mood:that greeneyed monster

Again...

If ever there was a song that could stir my soul... this is it...

Lenny Kravitz - Again

I’ve been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I never had a yearning quite like this before
Now that you are walking right through my door
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
A sacred gift of heaven
For better worse wherever
And I would never let somebody break you down
Or take your crown, never
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
I’ve searched through time, I’ve always known
That you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen, without her king
I’ve longed for you, my love forever
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again

I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again

• Mood:remembering...

Low Self Esteem

I hate it when my low self esteem rears its ugly head. It just leaves a despondent feeling in my tummy (which is already upset). I'm definitely not going to look through J's Hi5 friend list again. It's so funny that he's always talking about my 'fabulous friends' and how I have more friends than he does but he has over 50 more people on his list than I do. (Well, this is only relevant if you use Hi5 to judge your friends.)

Argh, I'm chatting faught and I know it :-( It's just that 3/4 of the girls on his list are stunning and I just feel like a skinny stick. There's no need to email me or comment on the list of reasons why I shouldn't feel this way. J points them out all the time, but I'm still jealous. No matter what anyone says, long hair and big breasts are what the general male populace goes for. The only things I have going for me are my height, my weight (which also counts just as much as a negative) and at risk of sounding shallow, my complexion.

I'm complaining, I know. I'm not ugly. I know that too, but I think I've always had a secret desire to make men stop in their tracks. *sigh* I'm going to stop now, analysing how I feel is just depressing me even more. I'm going to go and read a book and immerse myself in someone else's hangups, because this isn't a problem, it's definitely just a hangup.

• Mood:jealousy the greeneyed monster

True Words II

True love isn't all about candlelight and soft music. It's about commitment, and doing a job together. That's from today's Leo horoscope, and they're very true words indeed. I've learned that any relationship (especially marriage) takes a lot of work. I think that's why they're so many divorces nowadays. With our instant gratification society, everyone wants happiness now so instead of working towards it, when they don't get bliss right away, they give up.

• Mood:just thinking about life

Crappy Modays

Monday's are usually crappy. I've come to accept that just the way we accept the fact that we need air in order to survie. No matter how hard I try, my Mondays never seem to perk up until after 5:00 pm (like around now). Midday is usually the worst time of day, by then I'm frantic from a combination of hunger and stress.

It's not that I don't have everything under control. Quite the opposite in fact, I haven't had any major problems these past couple weeks (knock on wood) so I think this feeling of being pressed is just part of the production process. Actually now that I'm typing, last week Monday wasn't so bad at all. I've been able to leave the floor to go have lunch, kick back for 30 minutes to an hour, read and come back.

Okay Mondays are still only crappy because they signal that the weekend is over and we've got five more days to wait until the next one. :-)

• Mood:the A/C is dreadfully cold

Coming to work early is good

Most of the times coming in early can be down right tedious but today it's okay. I had another near brush with a solid surface this morning in Eastwood Gardens and I needed to just sit and think. Especially with the Corbeaux seat in I keep forgetting that the stabilizer bar isn't connected so while I slid gracefully around the hard left, I nearly mounted the right sidewalk aiming to sweep the hard right.

Mind you since then I've been analysing whether or not it was me or Max and I've deduced that it's both of us. If I'd remembered that Max won't slide right smoothly until those end links are put on then I wouldn't have been trying to drift that corner in the first place. I did it beautifully on Wednesday but now I realise that was because I was in such a rush to get down here (I thought the gift they had waiting on me here was from J) that I went into the set of corners so hard that I actually used the momentum to flick the car around the right corner.

Who ever knew driving required this much thought?

And as Basil said yesterday when I tried to pass off not going that Nismo made Trust gear stick knobs on 'female automobile ignorance', the time has passed when I could play that card. Now I'm expected to know that a Starlet has a 1300cc engine and that a Infinity G35 is RWD but not the G20, that's FWD (no laughing please!).

Anyway, coming to work early gives me the chance to sit and think about all this stuff. It gives me the chance to actually drink my French Vanilla at a slow place and not fling down whatever food I've brought with me at a speed that will make my stomach upset by noon. And I can actually read through Our Daily Bread and not skim over the Bible reading so that I can dive into work.

Now if only I could come up with some benefits for waking up early because that's something I really don't like to do.

• Mood:nice and calm
• Music:sounds like a lullaby on the radio

True words...

"If I don't laugh, I'll go crazy."

One of my friends just said that in an MSN conversation and boy are they right. Besides throwing myself into work or school, cracking jokes is the only reason I'm still sane right now.

I mean think about it, J and I weren't even married a year when we've been forced to go through the damned, horrible separation *sigh* Let me just go back to reading my book...

• Mood:i want to go home damnit

Can we take Aug 10 off the calendar?

Since my Moms passed it's like all my birthdays have been super crappy. Maybe taking August 10 off the calendar would be a bit drastic. I know other people who have the same birthday and I wouldn't want to rob them of any fun. Maybe next year I'll just stay in bed and sleep the day away. Hopefully I'll be home with J by then too. Sometimes being here just weighs on me so much. No one seems to understand how much. Is the facade I hide behind that good? I guess so. I have had many years of practice from living in this house as a teenager. It just hurts that often those close to me seem to believe the facade when I thought they'd know that deep down I'm cut up and bleeding inside. So what will I do? Keep trying to help J cope with the distance and toss myself more forcibly into work to drown my sorrows in baseview, newsprint, pictures and ink.

• Mood:i don't know how to feel

Orchids

On Thursday I stopped by a plant nursery on Old Hope Road and bought a single orchid plant to take to Sts Peter and Paul to leave at the Columbarium where my Moms' ashes are. As I was walking in I realized that this orchid really was coming from me... meaning I'd just lodged my first paycheck the day before. The orchid was bought with my money earned by working hard down at Beechwood Avenue.

That felt good.

What felt even better was realizing that my timing was great. The other orchids had been cleared away and there was only one green, shrub looking plant there. So I went and got the ceramic finished pot that I'd bought last year when I carried my first orchid to the Columbarium and placed it on the stand right beside the column of ashes.

• Mood:a somber sort of peace

How To Commiserate

Main Entry: com·mis·er·ate
Pronunciation: k&-'mi-z&-"rAt
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -at·ed; -at·ing
: to feel or express sympathy
: CONDOLE (commiserates with them on their loss)

transitive senses : to feel or express sorrow or compassion for
- com·mis·er·at·ing·ly adverb
- com·mis·er·a·tion /-"mi-z&-'rA-sh&n/ noun
- com·mis·er·a·tive /-'mi-z&-"rA-tiv/ adjective

From what I gather being able to commiserate with women, or how to console women when they're having a bad day or just general feel low, isn't a skill that comes readily to most men. Unfortunately, most men also get quite upset when it's pointed out that maybe they aren't being as sympathic as women might wish because, I suppose, men always have it figured out.

To compound matters, although the Mirriam Webster dictionary definition of 'commiserate' is quite simple to understand (at least I think so), commiseration works differently for each and every woman out there. How I might like to be consoled could differ vastly from how you like to be consoled, and I guess the same works for men. Comforting words and phrases like, "It's okay Kimmie, you can do it," or, "Don't worry, we'll figure it out," always work very well.

But sometimes what's more important is being able to pick up the rake quickly that a woman is in a state where she needs words and phrases of consolation. Equally important is not jumping to the conclusion that you, as the man, are somehow involved. In my life experience--which is woefully limited, trust me I know--the majority of men immediately assume that they have done something wrong or that the woman's downturn in mood is their fault. (To tell you the truth I've always wondered if that's not a case of guilty conscience coming to the fore, but that's a different matter entirely.)

So what happens is women get asked questions like, "What's your problem?" which just starts everything off on the wrong foot because if you refer to the definition of commiserate, what's need is sympathy. Now, stick a pin, the woman may well have a problem, but at that sticky juncture it's a matter of tact and approach to get her to express her problem so that you the man can help her solve the problem, if you like, or just well, commiserate.

One sure fire approach is, "Would you like to talk about it?" Sometimes this question doesn't even need qualifying, by which I mean a man wouldn't have to start off with, "Hey, you sound horrible, would you like to talk about it?" Some women may not mind that, but for some that may be the final tactless straw. Now asking the question doesn't mean you'll get a positive response. If a woman says, "No," it may not be a good idea to ask, "Why not?". A man can always back away gracefully by saying, "Well, I just want you to know that I'm here for you whenever you're ready." If you're a man, that might sound like a load of codswallop to you, but most of the time that's the best possible thing to say.

Please note: There is unfortunately no play-book for where to go if a woman does decide to tell you what's wrong. The key words, if she does decide to express what's troubling her, are: tact, sensitivity and patience.

Distraught women are not usually very direct in their explanations. For some normally well-spoken women, expressing their inner emotions can be a harrowing experience that leaves them tongue-tied, talking in circles. Remember patience is a virtue.

Sensitivity seems to be a unforgiveable word for many men, but being sensitive doesn't necessarily mean you have to gush tears right along with the woman doing the explaining. It simple means trying not to be harsh when asking her questions.

Tact is timeless. As a man, you may well see where the woman in question made a mistake that is blatantly obvious to you but refrain from phrases such as, "Well that was dumb," or "Why'd you do that for anyway?" Unfortunately there is no guide to tact. Well there might be. I'd suggest you Google that.

Once again, every woman is different but as a man, if you bear these things in mind, it may lead to more harmonious male-female relationships. And remember, where in doubt, just ask the woman in question what her definition of commiseration is... but if you ask, be sure to listen and be prepared to use what she says later down the lines.

My personal plug board

It seems like this blog has become by little space to pull all the things I like together. Bits of song lyrics, poetry, news clips that grab my attention. I hope you guys reading don't mind... I mean personally I think it'd be cool not to have to read my rantings and ravings all the time! LOL

This poem I came across the morning while doing a research assignment at the JCDC library. I remember it from my CXC poetry book and I've always loved this one.

J, it's for you baby. I love you.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

• Mood:melancholy, i want to go home
• Music:talking to Jas using MSN

One of those lucky days

This Emancipation Day (when Britain abolished slavery) has definitely been red-letter. It's the first time I think I've left the Observer before 6:00 pm since I started working there. Yipee! I was out the foor at 4:15 pm with TA done and sent to press. I almost sang on my way to the car :-)

• Music:DI FM Trance