Geography of Men and Women (JK)

Got this via the email mill from an aunt of mine (thanks Aunty R!). I completely disagree of course, when I hit 40 I know I won't have lost the war, God willing and life spare I plan to be in the third prime of my life (naturally I'm in the prime of my life now, and will be again when I hit 30, so 40 will be the third prime... then there'll be the fourth prime and the fifth and so on *grin*).

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

• Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
• Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
• Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
• Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently going but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
• Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
• Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
• Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
• After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

• Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - Ruled by a dick.

War time humour I suppose, but you can't help but smile nonetheless :)

• Mood: happy and expectant
• Music: the hum and whir of the PC, fridge, A/C and I think J left the Playstation on

Alright Moo, come out now

Seriously. Child, come out now. Yes, the car seat hasn't gotten here yet with the rest of my stuff from Jamaica. But J and I can manage that hurdle. What I can't take much more of is this. I don't even know how to describe this.

Yesterday this pregnancy just took a turn for the worse. No, I've not had to go to the hospital or anything. And she's doing quite well, but while I thought that all I had left to deal with for the next 4 1/2 weeks was her stretching, she proved me wrong.

I don't know if it's just that time in my pregnancy, or that the spicy shrimp that I had for dinner set me off. But last night was hellish. I mean indigestion to rival all indigestion ever experienced.

Then much to my dismay I ran J out the bed with my farting. Yup, if it wasn't me going through it I'd have been laughing but I felt so crappy and so ashamed about J having to beat a strategic retreat to the couch that I ended up bawling myself to sleep.
Today hasn't been much better. I've spent most of the day in bed. Thank God my cousin and her friend are here visiting, they helped me get food going and cooked dinner. I truly hope that everything I've gone through is pre-labour.

She seriously needs to come out now. You can bet your last dollar that tomorrow I'm calling my doctor to ask about induction. I feel like such a wimp, but jah know, this nuh mek it at all.

Pictures
1 - Everything but the bed... we've got clothes, diapers, wipes, lots of stuff washed and ready
2 - Eight months preggo... I took my cousin and her friend to the base pool last week
3 - Eight months preggo, about a week before the second one. Bigger, rounder, tired-er...

Things that scare me...

Okay, so lots of you messaged me saying that pregnant women shouldn't even attempt to Dutty Wine. Sure, I've got no problem with that. It's kinda hard to bend over and position with what amounts to a basketball tucked up against your stomach and it wouldn't be cute if I fell flat on my face. But even more scary than that, is this...



Men should NOT dutty wine. I don't care, whining like that is NOT for men, it's for women. I tell you, coming on the heels of men buying off all the tight jeans in Jamaica, things are getting way out of hand... *sigh*

• Mood: scared, but happy :p
• Music: Bow Wow - I Think They Like Me (remix)

Preggo Dutty Wine

Yeah, so who says pregnant women can't dance? My knees, that's who! So we were having audio problems with the PC, which resolved themselves as mysteriously as they appeared and I went to YouTube.com and typed in 'dancehall queen' to find a video to check if the sound was back. J was teasing me about using that search, so I said that you can find anything on the website. To prove my point I searched for 'dutty wine'. Strangely enough, there are a whole bunch of short vids up there with people practising in their living or bedrooms. One set of girls had mussi three up there and at one point I was saying, "No man, them just warming up," but then the vids finished and J was like, "Please, all of them flop." So I got up to show J how one of my writers did bus the move one day at work when no one was looking. I position, give the neck two flick, proceed to bend my knees to start to whine and then clack, clack! I kinda jus froze mid position then looked at J and asked him, "Did you hear that?" I hadn't even started and my knees were popping like rice krispies! DWL We both started laughing and he was like, "Look, just sit your ass back down in that chair." Ahhhhhh I missed being home with this boy, who says married couples don't got jokes *grin*

Pop Yo Trunk

Speaking of being here at home, I was initiated into more of the ways of the dirty, dirty south on Friday night. We had stopped at Sonic, which is one of the gear head meet up spots here, and we were sipping on some lime-aids (did I ever miss THOSE) talking with one of our friends, when we look across the parking lot and see a black dude with a forest green Dodge Stratus-looking car roll in, music blaring... but then with his trunk open. Now, I'm thinking to myself Okay, maybe dude forget to get something and opened the trunk so he wouldn't forget. I do that with my bonnet sometimes to make sure I remember to check my oil and whatnot. So we're there chatting, hanging out and all of a sudden the music goes up a notch and the trunk starts to move! I mean move. Like up and down hydraulic movements.

Our friend takes one look at my face, busts out laughing and asks if I've never heard the rappers talking about 'poppin the trunk' to show off all the audio stuff they got in the back - with hydraulics and everything, not just normal trunk opening like in that picture there. Apparently not. J and I were like, hmmm... there's a reason we don't do that in Jamaica. It'd take just two of the crackheads at the Waterloo Rd/Hope Road intersection to liberate you of all your ICE... one to argue with you about cleaning your windshield, and another one to swipe all the amps and subs out the back... what will these guys think of next?