Florida baaaaby!

Goodbye B-52s, hello F-22s! After a gruelling 11 hour, 2 day drive we arrived in Panama City, Florida last Saturday along with my friend and her husband who were nice enough to follow us down here to make sure we didn't get lost. Her husband has family in southern Alamaba and they were en route to my friend's baby shower, but they took leave early to come down with us and show us around a bit since the husband had been stationed at the base here temporarily for five months last year. Mind you, the devil was strong. J's turbo exhaust manifold broke in two not one hour into our drive and we ended up having to get a Uhaul and an auto transporter to bring his car down here. It's only God and his angels why I managed to drive my car all the way down here, although my friend did have to drive with me before we made out overnight stop in Foley, Alabama because I'd started dropping asleep and swerving all over the road.

This place is nice. We're at Tyndall Air Force Base, which is actually east of Panama City. All the spring break mad teens and young adults are at Panama City Beach which is west of PC and over a really big bridge. MTV films here at Club Lavela and apparently there was quite a crush at the Ying Yang Twins concert over there a couple nights ago. That picture to the left could have been taken at a beach that just down from the base if you're heading on I-98E towards Mexico Beach. Yes, beach, beach, beach... it might not be the startlingly clear blue waters that we as Jamaicans are used to, but it's not too shabby either. And this is just March! I can't image what the summer will be like.

I've already found a guy with a stand at the mall who makes the best fresh lemonade. Seems to me this pregnancy this has me craving sour and salt. The only sweet I can deal with is a 99c Sonic Junior Banana Split, with no chocolate topping because I've given up chocolate for Lent. In other baby news, I'm really starting to show now. Although in a t-shirt and jeans I still just look like a "mawga girl with gas". J' and I are still crossing our fingers that we can get an obstetrics visit scheduled for next week before I leave so that we can find out whether we're having a boy or girl when we're together. Other than watching the countdown for the beginning of hurricane season (T-64), right now it's kicking back at the base inn and watching to see what housing options come up, while enjoying the fabulous weather...

• Mood: getting hungry, almost feeding time
• Music: the click of the keys in the base library computer lab

15 weeks, 5 days

OB visit went well yesterday. I'm doing good (I've gained another one or two pounds!), baby's doing good, rather quiet during the ultra-sound, but then I was hungry at the time, so he/she probably was just conserving energy until I got some food into both of us :-) At my next visit, hopefully we'll be able to see whether this little one is a he or a she, and that's something we definitely want to know. Although, these things are never 100%... just look at my brother, he was my sister right up until when he came out! Still, we can't wait.

• Mood: contemplative, anxious
• Music: daily sounds of life in Kingston

The second trimester but...

... I keep getting teased that I'm not pregnant! LOL Last week at the dexterity (I was wearing that ladies mini-polo shirt in one of the pictures below) I had a friend of mine look at me and say, "Kim stop tell lie. Afta yu nuh pregnant, a jus sympathy yu a look." I nearly died laughing. I couldn't blame him, this was after I'd gotten him to get me not only a cup of soup, but also stand in line for my lunch and then go back for a soda. Everyone else who was present at the time mirrored his statement, that I couldn't possible be all of 4 months pregnant. I said to them, but he's seen the ultrasound. Then they launched into the fact that anyone can photoshop an ultrasound and they're sure that anyone can find one on Ultrasound.com. "But I feel fat," I persisted.

Who told me to say that! "You feel fat because before you did look mawga," was one response and I really couldn't say anything to that. I'd gone down to 125 lbs last year, which is dismal for someone who is 6'2", but I was depressed about having to leave J. I'm up to about 136 lbs now which is better, but still about 9 or so lbs short of what I was 3 years ago before my mother died. Then this morning my father's baby mother came downstairs and said the same thing. My brother is just about 4 months old, so she clearly remembers being pregnant, and she just shakes her head whenever she looks at my stomach.

But like I said last week, if I'm not pregnant, then there has to be something else seriously wrong with me to explain the throwing up, lack of sleep, fevers, frequently going to the bathroom, moodiness/irritability and amazing urge to eat :-)

• Mood: getting hungry...

Bumps in the road

Blog therapy. Last Sunday at the second JMMC dexterity of the season (and my last until hopefully in October) I came 4th in the RWD class and 5th in the Lady Dexterity class. I could've come second in the Lady's class if I hadn't butchered four cones on my run, but that's life. All throughout my "road less travelled" blogs I never realised that the teething/growing pains would hurt like this. The real FWD ace gave me a pep talk on Sunday that I'm so grateful for - I'm sure not even he realises how much - but it doesn't really take away the bitter taste of losing... not even coming home with one trophy.

The interesting thing is that although at Dex 1 I came home with two trophies, RWD sensei was actually happier with my outing this time around. Go figure. He says that this time I really drove my car, and that I shouldn't worry about hitting the cones because he can teach me to avoid those, he just can't teach me to drive aggressively, which I was finally doing. I cling to that, and I cling to my pep talk. Even FWD ace (not to be confused with the real FWD ace) came over to me at the end of everything when I was putting Max in reverse to leave, and said that he was happy to see that I was finally driving the car. It's only now, a couple days later, that I can put it all in perspective. On Sunday I was still smarting from the sickening feeling of having to actually hand the first place Lady's trophy to the very person I'd wanted to badly to beat. (Mind you she did put down a damn good drive.)

What's most interesting is that the real FWD ace said that I was being too hard on myself, and RWD sensei (whom I'm walking beside in the pic) was standing right there and didn't disagree. Why this is most interesting to me is that one Monday someone at work said that exact same thing to me, "You push yourself too hard Kim. You don't have to, you know." Ordinarily I would've brushed that statement off as an excuse for a dismal performance or not excelling. To be honest, right now I don't quite know what to do with those statements, but in the next couple of weeks I'll have a lot of time to think about things.

None of this makes it easier though. I like trophies. I like to win. I like being number one. But as the real FWD ace put it, you'll have to just stick with it to get to that point and...

• After each run, sit in my car and re-do the course in my mind. Looking at where I made mistakes and seeing how they can be corrected.
• Aim to learn the course on my first run, my don't drive Miss Daisy. The second run is to set the time and the third run is brawta, where you can attack if you want.
• Don't think so much about everything and just drive, really drive. According to RWD sensei, "You can't handbrake the car in a straight line and the car just won't turn if you're doing too slow."

And to myself I say, this is just the first bend in the road, I need to keep on trucking.

• Mood: contemplative
  
• Music: the whir of the ceiling fan and my laptop's internal fan