New layout... slightly narcissistic?

Not quite sure if that's the correct spelling but I'm too lazy to open M-W.com right now and check. (How lazy have we become these days, I have it in my links barely two clicks away). About this layout though, not sure if I like my picture beside each post. I wish there was a way I could just chose a picture for each post, the way hi5.com has their blog section set up.

I'm a lot calmer today. Fighting off the edges of panic, for some reason I always go into a panic when I think about jobs, employment and work. I now know why my Mom always used to say that there are many poor journalists out there. Freelancing is going to have to supplement another form of income, so I'm shoving myself off into the job market. It's scary though, this wll be my first time applying for a job. I'm trying to approach it like applying to go to school, I've done that 4 times and never been rejected once, so I'm trying to calm my nerves that way. Ahhh, but this is just one of those things that makes me miss my Moms I tell you but then it's helping me be independent because I can't just run to someone for help, I have to sit and sort this out and come up with a plan of action and execute it by myself. I have friends and family who will help, but like this MSN Career Article I was readings says, "you're CEO of You & Co." :)

Time to go grab the Sunday paper and look through the job listings...

• Mood:calmer than i felt yesterday

when it rains it pours...

Now you'll never hear me say, "It can't get any worse." other than as an example statement because I'm a firm believe that it can. But can you tell me why when I was looking forward to going and practicing driving around cones in Thunder today it decides to piss down with rain? *sigh* At least the power outage awhile ago was only a brief blip so I can come online and talk to J and surf the net and whine and whinge in my journal... thank goodness for the little things :)

• Mood:sad

... and to top it off

I feel even more crappy now because the article that I wrote for this week wasn't published. The lady that I had emailed questions to which I needed answers to still hasn't emailed me back and she said she would've replied on Thursday afternoon. Neither is there an email from my editor pointing out what could've been wrong with the article, actually I didn't expect one of those I guess I'll hear next week. Thank goodness I went to church this morning, it's kind of steeled me for today.

• Mood:crappy

Injustice...

Right now I'm so distressed and upset my pulse is racing and I have a headache that just started instantly. So Jason's father's funeral is this coming Saturday. Yesterday my father annouces that he's heading to the country on the Friday and he won't be back until Sunday. He has a meeting to attend for his high school alumni association but he'll be back in time for his niece's father's day event at her house. I want to cry from sheer frustration. It's just not right :(

• Mood:distressed
• Music:some gospel on the radio (it is Sunday)

These feelings are very familiar.

These days are bringing back memories. I want life to stop for J. Everyone should just stop because he's having it so hard. He shouldn't have to go work, no one should pressure him, everyone should just tune in to his needs because he's lost someone dear to him. And these feelings are very familiar I tell you. But from experience I also know that nothing like this happens. Life goes on, some people even wonder why you're so cut up and you're still expected to work, deliver, function and cope. At the moment I'm proof reading a story I have due today. Someone I had to interview is supposed to email me back with some information but although I've conveyed the fact that my deadline is today to her several times she doesn't seem to care. So I'm going to have to plan for worst case scenario, while sitting at the newspaper until the 12th hour hoping she'll email me. One part of this writing business is definitely being dependent on people and running people down for your story, I dislike it intensely but that's the way of the game I suppose.

• Mood:infuriated, people distress me