Having married friends is very important for a young married couple. How important just hit home to me awhile ago after a conversation I had with a friend of ours who's married. It's not a matter of you being closer to them, or you having more fun with them, it's just a matter of having friends who understand how your value system works now because you're married. I'm married. God being above all things is just understood, so my husband comes first and my job second and then everything else.
To me it has to be that way if a marriage is going to survive (I mean when we have kids then it will be the kiddies and J first *smile*) but it's me and hubby, we're one, we're a unit, and the marriage unit has to get priority. And sometimes non-married people don't get that. I mean they'll understand it at the basic level of 'Okay that's the spouse and the spouse is important' but many people don't get (and sometimes even spouses don't get this I think) how that fact permeates through everything in your life.
Here's an example, J and I are having a ridiculously hard time coping with our forced separation. We both hate being apart, we're stronger together, we both really need physical comfort from each other (hugs, bottom pinching, tickling) to set us at ease and cool our tempers, and so with that gone we're both cranky, moody, miserable, and prone to arguments. Even in the midst of arguing though, we stick to our 'communication' mission and we talk it to death :) We have to, it's how we deal with things and come out stronger.
So while well-meaning un-married people go, 'Just ignore him, don't call him.' Married people go, 'Keep your temper Kim and stop answering him back.' The 'not calling back' makes my husband feel like I don't care about working through the problems anymore. NOT the message I want to send at all. Keeping my temper and ditching the cutting replies sends a message that I want to compromise... and it's that last tactic that's yielding results. Yes we still argue, I mean I'm still stuck here in Jamaica :( but the arguments aren't as full blown, they're more like spirited discussions, and they're certainly not as drawn out anymore.
At the end of the day, I love all my friends. We need different friends to help us get through the different hurdles life throws our way. Now married friends aren't just people who need 'kitchen passes' to go anywhere. Being married has shown me how to appreciate my them and has in fact humbled me to the amazing and diverse support group of friends that both J and I have. We're blessed. To our friends, we love you. Thanks *hugs*
- Mood:peaceful & hungry (lunch time)
