The Hill - I hadn't run the hill in awhile. I ran it tonight and I honestly didn't realise that I'd missed it so much. My baby is going to be an adrenaline baby it seems, although I'm not sure that's a good thing. Now many people might say that I have no business running the hill nowadays given my 'delicate condition', but my Dad did say I could do everything I used to do, but in moderation. So I didn't even run the hill at the 85% I usually do, I ran it at 80%.
I missed the rush though, missed it.
The build up heading down to the easy drift right turn by the Texaco station at the foot of Jacks Hill, and then the climb (they've even fixed some of the potholes!). Then the double corner that starts with a 3rd gear right and then a switchback widening 2nd gear left marking the beginning of the no-streetlights-straight-touge part of the hill.
(I think I could do this in my sleep now.)
The first left that's a fake 90degree turn, then the full left 90degree turn that I missed my first night on the hill. Then the soft right, then the dip that you have to take sideways to shield your front bumper and muffler... then the turns into and out of the lookout point (I actually slowed down and looked out across Kingston tonight). Up ahead, the 'road narrows' sign which means that there's only a foot-high dividing wall up ahead and a 60degree or so right turn that immediately switches back into a sweeping left (not too much drift action else you'll point the nose at that foot-high divider), straight, over rise into slight left, then slight right (or else it's someone's yard and driveway).
Then flat because the gradient changes and it's downhill time. I have my braking points set, on the first left hairpin it's an almond tree and a stonepost at someone's driveway. Third, then second... check for headlights and drift. Flat, slight left, straight, slight left (they haven't fixed the road here) and then it's down into the really 'hairy'pin... somehow tonight I finally managed to grasp what Basil meant when he explained why you trundle brake in a RWD car... beautiful, spin the back tyres, but I didn't have the balls to slide her all the way around... maybe next year...
NYE
New Year's Eve at midnight will find me in my bed - Either that, or watching episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Compared to last year this NYE is horrible, at least I had been with J some of this Chritmas day, but tonight, we couldn't be further apart. My biggest wish right now is that 2006 brings new beginnings filled with trust, hope, forgiveness, patience, understanding, love, friendship and true commitment. That's all I ask Lord, please.
I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.
I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.
True words...
"u surround yourself with people who will validate how u feel about urself"
One of my friends and I had a good conversation about that comment, we're still having in it fact, but I had to take time out to blog this. My reply to that statement was:
"that's why ppl keep ending up in the same kinds of relationships because they don't realise they're just finding people to treat them the way they unconsciously feel they deserve"
Interestingly enough, if this is how you are, the tricky part isn't acknowledging this behaviour in yourself, we both agreed that the hardest part would be figuring out how to change. Once you've built up a pattern of this kind of behaviour, your significant other or close friends will probably think that you've lost your mind and that there must be some outside force or person influencing you becaue 'change' will be so out of character.
Sometimes people decide to hold everything inside, rather than deal with it all, but then there's alsways the risk of the 'pressure cooker' effect. So much is held inside for so long that the person starts letting off pressure in sharp, violent bursts at random or at the drop of a hat. Now if there are people around saying, "Well all you need to do is express yourself better," that might not help, because what I've found is that unless you're expressing the view that people want to hear, then you could be an orator worthy of Toastmasters International, it won't make one whit of a difference.
I think that one of the key things though is to stick to that desire to change. It's never easy, and other people will always be resistant to the change because let's face it, the person probably let the significant other/friends get really comfortable with the old situation.
Life... definitely not a box of chocolates. But to be honest, there is some sweet candy thrown in with all the sours.
One of my friends and I had a good conversation about that comment, we're still having in it fact, but I had to take time out to blog this. My reply to that statement was:
"that's why ppl keep ending up in the same kinds of relationships because they don't realise they're just finding people to treat them the way they unconsciously feel they deserve"
Interestingly enough, if this is how you are, the tricky part isn't acknowledging this behaviour in yourself, we both agreed that the hardest part would be figuring out how to change. Once you've built up a pattern of this kind of behaviour, your significant other or close friends will probably think that you've lost your mind and that there must be some outside force or person influencing you becaue 'change' will be so out of character.
Sometimes people decide to hold everything inside, rather than deal with it all, but then there's alsways the risk of the 'pressure cooker' effect. So much is held inside for so long that the person starts letting off pressure in sharp, violent bursts at random or at the drop of a hat. Now if there are people around saying, "Well all you need to do is express yourself better," that might not help, because what I've found is that unless you're expressing the view that people want to hear, then you could be an orator worthy of Toastmasters International, it won't make one whit of a difference.
I think that one of the key things though is to stick to that desire to change. It's never easy, and other people will always be resistant to the change because let's face it, the person probably let the significant other/friends get really comfortable with the old situation.
Life... definitely not a box of chocolates. But to be honest, there is some sweet candy thrown in with all the sours.
- Mood: strange - tired/scared, but with a sense of understanding/peace
- Music: music from the club at the plaza up the road (yes, it's that loud)
Back on the rock
- Mood: miserable
- Music: some oldies tune at the Red Hills Road street dance
So I'm back in Jamaica and miserable. I never envisioned in all my years spending Christmas day hopping from plane to plane, hauling carry-on luggage and wondering whether or not my stomach would hold down greasy airport Chinese food. Anyway, it goes with the job I suppose. I left work at around 8:00 pm, and although there is some stuff I want to do before I go to bed, I just can't seem to bring myself to get started. Maybe I should eat first... somehow I don't see myself getting to bed by 10:30 pm. Grr.
Wanting more...
I'm here in Louisiana at our house and I don't want to leave. But my flight is Sunday morning at around 7:00 am and it seems like I have no choice. Between work and the drama of rebooking a ticket... this is depressing. No moping for me tomorrow though. I have two last minute presents to buy and this PC to reformat and reinstall. Got a new case installed today (I actually only needed to replace the power supply but since the case was only US$10 more than the stand alone power supply, and the case includes said power supply - I said what the hell.) My friend Dee and her husband came over and helped, thank God. Nothing confuses me more than hooking up the power and reset buttons and LED lights to a mother board. The damn thing even drew blood, I suppose that's always a good way to bond with your electronics.
Aeon Flux
Haven't seen the movie but J and I were watching the MTV series on DVD. Pretty interesting. J was definitely right when he said, "It's the Matrix before there was a Matrix." Not sure if anyone would remember the scene from the first (and best) film in the Matrix series where a big of some sort was extracted from Neo's navel? Well, there's an episode on the first Aeon Flux series DVD where she has to retrieve this guy's programmed conscience (can't quite remember the name they used). Anyway, this 'conscience' came in the form of a rather large spindly metal thing that inserted itself into you via - you guessed it! - your navel. So we know who's been watching not only some Jet Li kickers (let's face it, that's where most if not all the king fu movies in the Matrix came from) but also Aeon Flux. I was hoping J and I could go and see that movie as well as Memoirs of a Geisha but he works from Thursday right back until Sunday... life.
Aeon Flux
Haven't seen the movie but J and I were watching the MTV series on DVD. Pretty interesting. J was definitely right when he said, "It's the Matrix before there was a Matrix." Not sure if anyone would remember the scene from the first (and best) film in the Matrix series where a big of some sort was extracted from Neo's navel? Well, there's an episode on the first Aeon Flux series DVD where she has to retrieve this guy's programmed conscience (can't quite remember the name they used). Anyway, this 'conscience' came in the form of a rather large spindly metal thing that inserted itself into you via - you guessed it! - your navel. So we know who's been watching not only some Jet Li kickers (let's face it, that's where most if not all the king fu movies in the Matrix came from) but also Aeon Flux. I was hoping J and I could go and see that movie as well as Memoirs of a Geisha but he works from Thursday right back until Sunday... life.
- Mood: extremely tired
- Music: the hum of the new PC fan
Literary Treats and Treasures
I was just reading someone else's blog where I made a post about the new film out The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe when I remembered about Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials triology. If you look on amazon.co.uk you'll see that all the reviews for the books are magnificient. They're sold as children's books (I got the first one from my 16-year-old cousin in England) but they really are for everyone. If you're looking for something more in depth, more mature, more tantalising than Harry Potter (and I love HP don't get me wrong), you've got to get this series...
Read the Amazon.co.uk reviews of the book, they're very informative and good. And I definitely agree with one reviewer, if these books are going to become movies, Peter Jackson should direct them.
Anyway, time to get back to work. Wait, I think a snack is in order first... then back to work :-)
Read the Amazon.co.uk reviews of the book, they're very informative and good. And I definitely agree with one reviewer, if these books are going to become movies, Peter Jackson should direct them.
Anyway, time to get back to work. Wait, I think a snack is in order first... then back to work :-)
When the sense of safety shatters
I just finished reading through a moving three-page investigative report done by NY Times writers about the nature/causes of many of the deaths that took place as a result of Hurricane Katrina. It's "as a result" because according to the article,
"of more than 260 Louisianans who died during Hurricane Katrina or its aftermath found that almost all survived the height of the storm but died in the chaos and flooding that followed"
The NY Times conducted interviews which added a soul to the death toll figures that have been circulating since the New Orleans tragedy happened earlier this year. Images like
"Prosper Louis Flint, blind, diabetic and dehydrated, was one of at least 19 people who died in the hot sun on Interstate 10, according to the state health department, waiting for help to come... Todd Lopez, 42, pushed his girlfriend's family into an attic before the water overtook him"
... aren't going to leave me any time soon. I've been to New Orleans, J', my Aunt, cousin and I were there just last year, just at this time of year, this - one year ago - was our first time in Nawlins. Okay, I don't know what it's like to lose someone because of a hurricane, but I definitely know what it's like to lose someone you love because of the power of water's destructiveness.
"It's ironic that you can survive a storm," but still die, said Velda Smith, who lost her sister-in-law and three teenage nieces to the floodwaters. On the day they drowned, she said, "everything was fine. The sun was shining."
That last statement rang so true when I read it that my head started to pound.
Still, what happened in New Orleans and across the American Gulf is on such a large scale it's mind-boggling. I haven't even begun to wrap my brain around what happened during the Asian tsunami, and the only thing that has helped that was watching Weather Channel and Discovery Channel documentaries and exposés.
There are a couple things that I can wrap my brain around though:
1. The NY Times is right. Ethel Freeman "slumped in her wheelchair under a plaid blanket outside the convention center" has already become a sad poster image of the horror.
2. While the natural phenomena of hurricanes and tsunamis can be explained, it will be months and years before we find out what really happened in New Orleans - if we ever do learn the truth.
3. As someone I know on a web forum posted recently, "In this life were not promised 2 morrow so take de bitter with the sweet and maintain."
Louisiana's Deadly Storm Took Strong as Well as the Helpless (The New York Times)
"of more than 260 Louisianans who died during Hurricane Katrina or its aftermath found that almost all survived the height of the storm but died in the chaos and flooding that followed"
The NY Times conducted interviews which added a soul to the death toll figures that have been circulating since the New Orleans tragedy happened earlier this year. Images like
"Prosper Louis Flint, blind, diabetic and dehydrated, was one of at least 19 people who died in the hot sun on Interstate 10, according to the state health department, waiting for help to come... Todd Lopez, 42, pushed his girlfriend's family into an attic before the water overtook him"
... aren't going to leave me any time soon. I've been to New Orleans, J', my Aunt, cousin and I were there just last year, just at this time of year, this - one year ago - was our first time in Nawlins. Okay, I don't know what it's like to lose someone because of a hurricane, but I definitely know what it's like to lose someone you love because of the power of water's destructiveness.
"It's ironic that you can survive a storm," but still die, said Velda Smith, who lost her sister-in-law and three teenage nieces to the floodwaters. On the day they drowned, she said, "everything was fine. The sun was shining."
That last statement rang so true when I read it that my head started to pound.
Still, what happened in New Orleans and across the American Gulf is on such a large scale it's mind-boggling. I haven't even begun to wrap my brain around what happened during the Asian tsunami, and the only thing that has helped that was watching Weather Channel and Discovery Channel documentaries and exposés.
There are a couple things that I can wrap my brain around though:
1. The NY Times is right. Ethel Freeman "slumped in her wheelchair under a plaid blanket outside the convention center" has already become a sad poster image of the horror.
2. While the natural phenomena of hurricanes and tsunamis can be explained, it will be months and years before we find out what really happened in New Orleans - if we ever do learn the truth.
3. As someone I know on a web forum posted recently, "In this life were not promised 2 morrow so take de bitter with the sweet and maintain."
Louisiana's Deadly Storm Took Strong as Well as the Helpless (The New York Times)
Of all the things to happen...
... Victoria's Secret's signiature cotton panty special has increased from 5 for US$19 to US$25. This is just too much, first the bread rolls at Lee's Family Food Fair, then the chocolate Bobbys and small lunch at work, and now this. Alright, I throw in the towel. I mean it's not like panties have any resale value, what, have they increased the cotton thread count? One cotton panty for US$5 is pretty much what this comes down to. I think I'm going to have to start taking a closer look at what Hanes has to offer.
- Mood: disgruntled
- Music: savouring the silence (someone pulled the plug on the carolling xmas tree)
[enter title here]
Tired. Need sleep. Must work. Sore (riding horses does that). Wondering if I'll catch the flu (tubing down cold rivers does that). Need to write story. Have to wake up early tomorrow. Hehehe and I'm on here blogging LOL Lemme go and start this story...
- Mood: laughing at myself
- Music: a street sound on Red Hills Road playing some Garnett Silk
Traffic Tales VI
So today I'm driving home, heading up Half Way Tree Road right before the stoplight at HWT Road and Chelsea when I was forced to make some evasive manouvers to miss a bus and another car. I ended up in the right lane with Max (my 240sx) unscathed, without a single horn being blown or curse being shouted. Alright, so I'm in the right lane, and a white skettle zips from behind me into the left lane and speeds off when the light turns green. I'm approaching the next stop light where you turn down unto Cargill Avenue when I realise that the skettle has slowed down, and I'm like, crap. Max is LHD and my window's down, anyway, by the time all this has processed (I'm dog tired) I'm in line with the skettle and I look over and see a youngish-look man on his phone who looks over at me with a stunned expression and says, "My girl, a you a drive dem way deh?!" I couldn't help but grin, then the skettle drives off and I realise it's a cabby. Now coming from a cab driver, how do you take that statement? ROFL Just another day on the Jamaican roads...
- Mood: excited, looking forward to my 'adventure' assignment tomorrow :)
- Music: someone's Christmas tree lights in an endless carol singing loop
3 big reasons couples fight about money
http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/CollegeandFamily/Loveandmoney/
P134920.asp?GT1=7533
3 rules for a fair fight over money
http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/CollegeandFamily/Loveandmoney/
P94728.asp?GT1=7533
Be popular at work: 4 steps
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/custom/msn/careeradvice/viewarticle.aspx?
articleid=649&SiteId=cbmsnhp4649&sc_extcmp=JS_649_home1&cb
RecursionCnt=1&cbsid=a33117f8dbb4466a8d14197b0e070607-187867832-sc-1
Being a bitch...
This is something I've received before in my Inbox, and I'm sure lots of women out there have seen this many times too and I think it's really interesting. Sometimes I feel the same way the woman (assuming it was a woman) who came up with this must have felt. Of course a lot of women do go overboard and become insufferable, but it's as if we've been taught that girls are supposed to be docile, so standing up for yourself in anything but an appologetic manner means you're a, well, a bitch.
When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a BITCH.
When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a BITCH.
When I speak my mind,
think my own thoughts
or do things my own way,
they call me a BITCH.
Being a BITCH
means I won't
compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow
anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it,
I am defined as a BITCH.
The same thing happens
when I take time for
myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or when
I act a little selfish.
It means I have the
courage and strength
to allow myself to be
who I truly am.
I won't become anyone
else's idea of what
they think I "should"be.
I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and
there is absolutely nothing
wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of
Beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me
a BITCH, so be it.
I embrace the title and
I am proud to bear it.
When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a BITCH.
When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a BITCH.
When I speak my mind,
think my own thoughts
or do things my own way,
they call me a BITCH.
Being a BITCH
means I won't
compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow
anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it,
I am defined as a BITCH.
The same thing happens
when I take time for
myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or when
I act a little selfish.
It means I have the
courage and strength
to allow myself to be
who I truly am.
I won't become anyone
else's idea of what
they think I "should"be.
I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and
there is absolutely nothing
wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of
Beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me
a BITCH, so be it.
I embrace the title and
I am proud to bear it.
Tuesdays...
The only thing saving this Tuesday is that in the back of my mind I've started my countdown to next Tuesday when I'll leave to go and spend Christmas with J. I'm not thinking about the fact that I'll have to fly back Christmas morning to be here for work on Boxing Day. Nope, not going to think about that just yet. I'm also telling myself that it's only two days until my next adventure story assignment. Last time I walked the Cunha Cunha Pass, an old maroon trail, which runs from Portland to St Thomas. This time around it's going to involve horses and rafting... the first (and last actually) horse I rode was an old thoroughbred at Hellshire that had seen better days. So I'm looking forward to this assignment with joy and a good dose of trepidation.
Other than that I'm at my cubicle with a headache (need food), the floor is is really quiet, I think it's because the A/C isn't on yet, but man our Christmas tree is all I really need. It has to be at least 10 feet high and it's gorgeously done up (Every Blooming Thing) in shades of gold and broze. I've always liked the name EBT, it's a great play on words. Words... they've taken on a new meaning for me ever since I started reading my new 'work' book, which someone seems to have borrowed from my desk, but anway, it's a book on headline writings called Heads You Win. It goes through the art of headline writing and even if my headlines haven't immediately gotten better, I can see how the way I approach them and come up with them has already changed.
Anyway, enough babbling, time to run to the canteen for a sandwhich and a drink, and then get back to work.
Walk in the Maroons' footsteps - http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/lifestyle/
html/20051015t160000-0500_90431_obs_
walk_in_the_maroons__footsteps_.asp
Other than that I'm at my cubicle with a headache (need food), the floor is is really quiet, I think it's because the A/C isn't on yet, but man our Christmas tree is all I really need. It has to be at least 10 feet high and it's gorgeously done up (Every Blooming Thing) in shades of gold and broze. I've always liked the name EBT, it's a great play on words. Words... they've taken on a new meaning for me ever since I started reading my new 'work' book, which someone seems to have borrowed from my desk, but anway, it's a book on headline writings called Heads You Win. It goes through the art of headline writing and even if my headlines haven't immediately gotten better, I can see how the way I approach them and come up with them has already changed.
Anyway, enough babbling, time to run to the canteen for a sandwhich and a drink, and then get back to work.
- Mood:tired, I wanted to destroy the alarm this morning (but it's also my phone *sigh*)
Walk in the Maroons' footsteps - http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/lifestyle/
html/20051015t160000-0500_90431_obs_
walk_in_the_maroons__footsteps_.asp
Questions answered...
Madbull and ScratchieThe girl on the right (well here on the left) is Juju. Helda, Juju and I (along with Ama who was in Spain on study abroad at the time of this pic) made up the core of the Dance Committee at UCU. Helda had lived across the hall from me first year, but somehow it wasn't until second year that we all got close. Ama, Helda and I debuted the new Dance Co to Missy Elliot's Work It at our school's talent night shindig, and then we roped in Juju for Sean Paul's Get Busy :-) Juju and I roomed together one summer (Helda was in the apartment on the ground floor) and that brought us alot closer together. That summer Helda and I even headed off to Alicante, Spain to visit Ama. Fashion-wise Juju will always be the more daring of the four. Apparently I'm right there behind Juju, according to Helda, but I'd have to have Juju's curves and long hair to pull off some of the outfits *grin* We've even done a dance to an MC Hammer medley where we were outfitted in tights, multicoloured flourescent socks and crazy wigs... I miss them so much... man, college... those were the days.
Japrincezzshae
I don't think I'm brave at all. I'm just a very stubborn person with a bad temper.
- Mood: undefinable
- Music: me and J discussing the Sunday paper
Between victims and aggressors
It's a thin line between being a victim and an aggressor in a situation. I'm not quite sure if 'aggressor' is the exact word that I mean, but it's the best one I can think up right now. Last night at around 10-ish, J and I went to Island Grill in Twin Gates Plaza to get some food before heading back to the house. I remember shaking my head that the security guard outside was so engrossed in his cell phone conversation that he barely saw us go in, but we were hungry and steeling ourself for a long wait in line. We came out the fast food joint and headed to the car. When I got to my side, a man walked up and asked me for $1 to be honest, in Jamaica, someone begging you for money isn't a novelty, thinking back though, what strikes me is that he only asked for a dollar. Even the smallest street kid never asks for less than $20, but hindsight is 50/50.When I realised that he wasn't going to move, I hightailed it into the passenger seat, set on shutting the door quickly. One hard yank should've done it, but no dice, and I looked back and saw that he had his foot planted in front the door. So I gave it another hard yank, then looked up at him. At that point he half pulled what J later told me was a home-made one-pop gun and said, "Lady hear me, gimme yu phone and yu money."
Okay, this is how I know that I'm an aggressor, or maybe just have serious anger issues, or maybe I'm just stubborn. I looked at him and simple said, "What?" And not a soft plaintive 'what', a highly bitchy, disdain-filled, outraged 'what'. And then I have the door an even harder yank. I'm not 100% sure this shocked him, but he didn't say another word. By this time though J, who hadn't gotten in on his side after seeing the guy approach me, rounded my side of the car and came up on the guy, asking "Yow, is wha a gwaan here so?" in a very loud voice. None of us had realised that there was a man waiting for someone in the van parked on J's side, but at J's shout, he sat up and started asking the same thing. At this point the guy with the one-pop pocketed it and went towards his bicycle, and J came and got into the car and started checking if I'm alright. Honestly, I think I'm blood-thirsty as well. The first thing I said to J was, "I wish we had a car with a grill on the front. I'd make you run him down." I respect J so much though, you can tell he's in the military, he was so calm in the situation that he was able to take control of it. Left to my own devices I would've probably attacked the guy myself (if he hadn't moved from the door when J shouted I'd dropped my handbag on the edge of my seat and was preparing to punch him in his side), and that would probably have made things worse.
Every Jamaican Christmas?
I hope that this isn't a new Christmas season starting. I couldn't help but remember that the last time I spent Christmas in Jamaica, someone had tried to hold us up at gun-point and take away her car. The Nissan wagon had pulled up as we were waiting at someone's gate and the occupants had asked directions. We'd said we didn't live in the area.
Next thing we knew, the wagon had turned around and one guy jumped out with a gun, while the wagon sped off. Then I did fight. We both fought. Moms had thought the thief was asking for her bag and when he advanced on her she fisted him in his neck and flung the keys on the driveway of the person we were visiting. He got the keys, but as he got in the car to start it the alarm had gone off making starting the car impossible. I'd realised my bag was on the passenger side floor, and I had to get it. My Dutch verblijfsvergunning (residence permit) was inside, and I sure as hell wasn't going to be stuck in Jamaica (the NL consulate had closed by this) on account of some two-bit gunman who barely looked older than me. So I opened the door and grabbed the bag, he caught the handle and we started to struggle. Moms was trying to drag me away, but I stood there pulling for all I was worth, directing one string of bad words at him in the process (Moms, God bless her may she RIP, stopped at one point and says, "Child, what have I told you about cursing badwords like that?! No cursing!" - only my mom :-)
Like last night, in that instance with Moms, I think the would-be thief was startled that his marks didn't do the victim thing and scream, give in and toss their belongings. Moms told me then that this was why she was working so hard to make sure that I could leave. It's so sad that I turned to J and said virtually the same thing, that this was why I can't wait for my papers to come through so that I can leave.
Merry Christmas indeed.
- Mood: disgruntled, but thankful that I'm still here for another day
- Music: some neighbour doing home repairs with a hammer/drill
In case you missed it
- Mood: okay
- Music: somebody's house alarm going off in the complex
Personal sites suddenly very public in aftermath of Pennsylvania killing
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6448213/did/10272868/
I actually read through all three pages. Sometimes some very interesting articles crop up on MSN. I just took a look at the blog of the guy who wrote it and he's definitely opinionated. On an aside note (that's somehow related in my mind) I've been thinking of taking down a lot of the websites/pages I have scattered across the net. Back in my super-geek days I had a finger on everything: angelfire, geocities, IRC sites, virtualtourist, webalarm... now that I'm getting older I guess I want to slowly erase, well no narrow down, my presence (sp) on the web. Not quite sure how to go about it though, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.
Not like last ChristmasThis year is shaping up to be nothing like last Christmas. Last year at this time I was making regular raids on Walgreens, finding trimmings for our very first Christmas tree. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd trimmed a tree, that had probably been the year before I left for college. My Mom and I would make a lot of late night runs up to Discount Pharmacy or down to Tropical Pharmacy to get ornaments. So needless to say I made a very big deal about the season, and J' - God bless him - he took it all in stride. Nothing was sweeter than finding the perfect tree topper, an amazing black angel garbed in lush red robes trimmed in white with gold wings and accents... gorgeous! I had so many candy canes that after Christmas Day I took to dropping off batches at the base gate for the guards. My aunt and cousin from the UK came over, keeping alive a tradition we'd started back in 2001 of always seeing each other for Christmas. That looks like it's going to broken this year. Yep, definitely not like last Christmas at all.
Infectious, gripping, soul-stirring... music!
- Mood: expectant, J gets in @ 3:20 pm :)
- Music: Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
Now, My Humps isn't the song in question here, it's Eric Prydz - Call On Me, a song that I've been going crazy over for months and months but only found out the name on Monday. (That's Eric Prydz in the photo, decent looking chap, I think.) Let me tell you, this is definitely one of those trance numbers that gets in your head and makes your insides feel all light and floaty, which is nice, it's not drug-induced so it's perfectly legal :) I really do love trance music, and I'm learning to be unappologetic about it. Since I'm black, I've been accused of giving into 'white people music' but I don't think so.
I love my dancehall, and rap/hip-hop music like anybody else, my dancehall song of the moment is Busy Signal's Step Out, the hesitant flow he has on the track is really amazing and of course that rhythm is just made to dance. Nothing does it for me like a killer bass line, which is why - and most people don't realise this - I adore 'dirty South booty music'. I remember during a kalooki get-together here on Friday night everyone turned and looked at me in shock when I started singing along with Smitty, Diamonds On My Neck. I like that kind of music. It's good dancing music...If someone asked, the one thing I miss about college was being able to go out and dance, not with anyone either, just to hold my corner, and rock to the bass. Call On Me makes me wish for that. I mean look at the shot from the video? It just screams, music, hormones and body movement (I downloaded it by the way). It makes me want to be in a club, quite close to the speakers (I was never one of those who could actually lean up on them), just dancing, pushing my hands up to the sky, head thrown back, letting the melody take me. That's why I love trance so much, the very thing that separates it from techno and house (in my mind leastways). You've got the beat, but it's the melody that makes it. It starts out simple, and then its added to and added to until there's a big crescendo, and then it tapers off. That does amazing things to your adrenaline, and well, depending on how well the song is done, your emotions and the melody almost become seamless. Then there's hard trance, perfect for studying and bad moods, argh, let me stop. If you're not into trance you probably wouldn't understand.
The sad thing about Jamaica is that everyone's so caught up in the hype and the posing that I'd feel uncomfortable just cutting loose and jamming at a session. One of the sessions I've been to where everyone was posting up the wall but having a good time was Father Pow's Independence Bash one summer. Amazing, even in a ratty old t-shirt and jeans, while everyone else was dressed to the nines in sequins and leather, the music took me away and I had the best time ever. In Holland, I'll never forget going to Hemkade 911 Urban meets Dancehall in Zaandam, where Helda (left) and I took over the front of the VIP stage, signalling the plane, giving them a run, and carrying the crowd through the whole onslaught of Jamaican dance moves for the night. Those were the days. I don't think I have the stamina to party that hard anymore, or the budget quite frankly LOL Maybe when J and I live in the same country again... for now though, it's all about Shoutcast stations, the laptop and hopefully a radio with a working CD player for the car...Shouldering guilt
- Mood: Undecided
- Music: Kelly Clarkson - Because of You (TRL)
- Music: Madonna - Caught Up (TRL)
I got this from Fyr Don't be too shocked now, alright :-) Yeah, I think I'm definitely on the up and up, my smiles are getting bigger and staying longer. The first couple of these in the list too me back to memories from what feels like another lifetime...
- Music: Eric Prydz - Call On Me (big tune!!)
(X) smoked a cigarette
(X) smoked a cigar
(X) smoked anything else
(X) made out with a member of the same sex (don't ask :)
(_) crashed a friend's car
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped
(_) shoplifted
(_) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
(X) snuck out of parent's house
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(_) been arrested
(X) made out with a stranger
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(_) had a crush on a teacher
(X) skipped school
(_) slept with a co-worker
(_) seen someone die
(_) had/have a crush on one of your siblings friends
(_) been to Canada
(_) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
(_) thrown up in a bar
(_) eaten Sushi
(_) been snowboarding
(X) met someone just for sex
(X) been moshing at a concert
(X) been in an abusive relationship
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone right now
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
(X) had a tea party
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up as an adult (the legacy of being an only child)
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(_) gone sledding
(_) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
(X) fallen asleep at work/school
(_) used a fake ID
(X) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake
(X) touched a snake..
(X) been tickled
(_) been robbed
(_) robbed someone
(X) been misunderstood
(_) pet a reindeer/goat
(X) won a contest
(_) been suspended from school
(X) had detention
(X) been in a car accident
(x) have/had braces
(X) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) had deja vu
(X) danced in the moonlight
(X) hated the way you looked
(X) witnessed a crime
(X) pole danced (fully clothed at a nightclub, and there was no jumping on the pole :-p)
(X) questioned your heart
(X) been obsessed with post-it notes
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
(X) been to the opposite side of the country (Jamaica's real small)
(X) swam in the ocean
(X) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(_) played cops and robbers
(_) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(_) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) made prank phone calls
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) kissed in the rain
(_) written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) been kissed under a mistletoe
(_) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(_) made a bonfire on the beach
(X) crashed a party
(_) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(X) gone rollerskating/blading
(X) had a wish come true
(_) humped a monkey
(X) worn pearls
(_) worn leather pants
(_) jumped off a bridge
(_) screamed "penis" in class
(_) ate cat food
(_) told a complete stranger you loved them
(X) sang in the shower
(X) have a little black dress
(_) had sex in a park
(X) had sex in the bathroom
(X) had a dream that you married someone (and made it come true :-)
(X) glued your hand to something
(_) got your tongue stuck to a pole
(_) kissed a fish
(X) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(_) been a cheerleader
(_) slept on a roof top
(_) had sex in a church
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
(_) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(_) didn't take a shower for a week
(_) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
(_) built a tree house
(X) believes in ghosts
(_) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(X) worn a really ugly outfit to school
(_) gone streaking
(_) played ding-dong-ditch
(_) played chicken fight
(X) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(X) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(_) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused
(_) caught a fish then ate it
(X) made porn
(_) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
(_) mooned/flashed someone
(_) had someone moon or flash you
(_) cheated on a test
(X) forgotten someones name
(_) forgotten someones name during sex
(X) slept naked
(_) French braided someones hair..
(X) gone skinny dippin in a pool
(_) been kicked out of your house.
(X) Met someone online
(X) Had sex with someone you met online
(_) Married someone you met online
(X) Had cyber sex
(_) You owned a Mrs. Beasley Doll
(X) Cried when it was time to throw away your stuffed animals
(_) You sneak to your kids room at night to watch them sleep
(X) Talk in your sleep
Motivation
I found the song to get me going at work today. It's been a painful day, one of those where you find everything to do except what you should be doing. I've been here since after 2:00 pm and I've just sat down to do serious work. Well, no that's not true, I was helping a George's student with a group newspaper until sometime after 5:00 pm, but in terms of my own work, I even started troubleshooting my laptop's CD burning rather than sitting down to editing.
Anyway, today's choice lyric:
Cody Chesnutt:
I don't ask, for much these days
And I don't bitch, and whine, if I don't get my way
- The Roots, The Seed (2.0)
Anyway, today's choice lyric:
Cody Chesnutt:
I don't ask, for much these days
And I don't bitch, and whine, if I don't get my way
- The Roots, The Seed (2.0)
- Mood:emotionally drained
- Music:The Roots - Break You Off
Rock Bottom
Two years, seven months and 13 days ago I hit emotional rock bottom. Or at least I was on my way there. My Moms' funeral was on April 12, 2005 (just four days after what would've been her 50th birthday) and while April 5 (the day she died) until April 12 was a blur, everything that has happened after the 12th has been in sharp focus. I think I hit absolute bottom within the week that I flew back to school in Holland. It may have been that first night I went back to Utrecht, and found my 'friends' preparing to head out to a party, leaving, even though the knew that I was coming back that day, going away, leaving me in the massive unit all by myself. They had even asked me if I wanted to come to the party with them. I'd wanted to shout, "My mother's been dead less than a month and I'm supposed to go what?" But that wouldn't have been fair, everyone deals with their problems differently, what counts as support is different for each person, and different people have different ways of coping. So I went to my room and packed an overnight bag to head back to my then-boyfriend's house where I'd actually stayed the first couple days back in Holland. The irony of the situation? My 'friends' and I all ended up on the same train. Their stop was a small town outside of Utrecht, I went on to Gouda and then caught the train to Rotterdam. That night I think I hit rock botttom.
I didn't know it was actually possible to hit rock bottom twice and come out still breathing and unscathed, physically anyway. Last Friday night/Saturday morning I hit rock bottom. I sat in my car, in my night clothes, staring at the red stop light at the intersection of Cenntral Avenue, Shortwood Road and Constant Spring Road and I knew that I was there, again for Christ's sake. I'll take a couple things with me from that night. The only one thing that I can feel good about though is that I nailed the sexiest drift ever from Constant Spring to Dunrobin Avenue. Pure drifting mastery, the right line, the right amount of lock, the right tyre pressure, the right place to hold the steering wheel, the right way to feather the gas. Right. In a whole night, well couple days of wrongs, the rights have been my driving. My hill run that night was perfect. The only run that was better was the one I did the previous night, where I pushed as hard as I ever have, and I was rewarded with the fastest, tighest, cleanest run I've ever had. I hit rock bottom again, but I'll be okay, again. I can still joke about the fact that I drive so well when I'm upset that it's scary.Unfortunately, I haven't found any answers at yet, but at least I've found the questions that I have to ask myself to find the right answers. And that, amazingly, has given me peace of mind.
Your [...] cannot be accepted.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I wish I could stick more to the Biblical ideal. I feel like such a failure, always trying my best but always falling short. Always not doing the right thing, always saying it wrong, never able to properly explain, and too slow to understand. Not supportive, not caring, not loving, not sharing, just not doing a good job. Making it worse, adding more stress, and causing more pain. With so many flaws is it fair to doggedly carry on, despite all the hurt, anger, pain, upset, distress, sadness and depression that I apparently cause? Is it fair to say, I ever won't give up, so I don't expect any giving up, despite the hurt, anger and pain. Loss of respect. Respect = dedication and keeping the promise, despite it all, and alot more but that's what comes to mind right now. Patient - not enough; kind - not enough; boast/proud - don't care; not rude - sometimes no control; not self-seeking - not sure of the meaning; not easily angered - anger management needed; keeps no records of wrongs - slate wiping in progress; does not delight in evil - evil sickens; truth - blunt; always protects - when temper in check; hopes/perservers - doggedly; love never fails - it can't, all that's left. Is this normal? My head and eyes hurt, I've just let everyone think I'm worried about my car (how much should an alternator and power steering belt worry one?). I hurt, deep on my stomach, that kind of rolling pain that makes you feel like you want to throw up, or just find a corner and well, give up. Patience. Perseverance. Pride (don't care?). Please. Progress. Passion. Peace. Please. Past. Present. Please.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I wish I could stick more to the Biblical ideal. I feel like such a failure, always trying my best but always falling short. Always not doing the right thing, always saying it wrong, never able to properly explain, and too slow to understand. Not supportive, not caring, not loving, not sharing, just not doing a good job. Making it worse, adding more stress, and causing more pain. With so many flaws is it fair to doggedly carry on, despite all the hurt, anger, pain, upset, distress, sadness and depression that I apparently cause? Is it fair to say, I ever won't give up, so I don't expect any giving up, despite the hurt, anger and pain. Loss of respect. Respect = dedication and keeping the promise, despite it all, and alot more but that's what comes to mind right now. Patient - not enough; kind - not enough; boast/proud - don't care; not rude - sometimes no control; not self-seeking - not sure of the meaning; not easily angered - anger management needed; keeps no records of wrongs - slate wiping in progress; does not delight in evil - evil sickens; truth - blunt; always protects - when temper in check; hopes/perservers - doggedly; love never fails - it can't, all that's left. Is this normal? My head and eyes hurt, I've just let everyone think I'm worried about my car (how much should an alternator and power steering belt worry one?). I hurt, deep on my stomach, that kind of rolling pain that makes you feel like you want to throw up, or just find a corner and well, give up. Patience. Perseverance. Pride (don't care?). Please. Progress. Passion. Peace. Please. Past. Present. Please.
Made me smile
Punctuation is powerful
An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Cool, huh? So's enjoying my day off! J and I had a deep heart-to-heart earlier, which was nice, we hadn't been able to sit down for him to be able to get everything off his chest in weeks because I'd been just going and going with work. Plus I finally got Office updated on the laptop (thanks Squeeze!). I am doing a bit of work (the payroll) but I've got MTV on with last week's Making the Band 3 on, and I'm just well, vegetating. It's nice. I'm sure there's something I have to do on the road but I don't want to go out and face the world just yet :)
An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Cool, huh? So's enjoying my day off! J and I had a deep heart-to-heart earlier, which was nice, we hadn't been able to sit down for him to be able to get everything off his chest in weeks because I'd been just going and going with work. Plus I finally got Office updated on the laptop (thanks Squeeze!). I am doing a bit of work (the payroll) but I've got MTV on with last week's Making the Band 3 on, and I'm just well, vegetating. It's nice. I'm sure there's something I have to do on the road but I don't want to go out and face the world just yet :)
Song of the moment...
This song definitely deserves all the airplay its been getting and more: Don't Lie by the Black Eyed Peas is what's on repeat on my WMA and this my favourite verse (besides the chorus which is so amazing!)
[APL]
She said I'm leaving
Cos she can't take the pain
It's hard to continue this love it ain't the same
Can't forget the things that I've done inside her brain
Too many lies committed too many games
She feeling like a fool getting on the last train
Trying to maintain but the feeling won't change
I'm sorry for the things that I've done and what I became
And on their album Monkey Business this track is followed by My Humps. I definitely need to fix the damn burner in my laptop :p
[APL]
She said I'm leaving
Cos she can't take the pain
It's hard to continue this love it ain't the same
Can't forget the things that I've done inside her brain
Too many lies committed too many games
She feeling like a fool getting on the last train
Trying to maintain but the feeling won't change
I'm sorry for the things that I've done and what I became
And on their album Monkey Business this track is followed by My Humps. I definitely need to fix the damn burner in my laptop :p
- Mood: doing pretty good all things considered
- Music: My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
Song of the moment...
This song definitely deserves all the airplay its been getting and more: Don't Lie by the Black Eyed Peas is what's on repeat on my WMA and this my favourite verse (besides the chorus which is so amazing!)
[APL]
She said I'm leaving
Cos she can't take the pain
It's hard to continue this love it ain't the same
Can't forget the things that I've done inside her brain
Too many lies committed too many games
She feeling like a fool getting on the last train
Trying to maintain but the feeling won't change
I'm sorry for the things that I've done and what I became
And on their album Monkey Business this track is followed by My Humps. I definitely need to fix the damn burner in my laptop :p
[APL]
She said I'm leaving
Cos she can't take the pain
It's hard to continue this love it ain't the same
Can't forget the things that I've done inside her brain
Too many lies committed too many games
She feeling like a fool getting on the last train
Trying to maintain but the feeling won't change
I'm sorry for the things that I've done and what I became
And on their album Monkey Business this track is followed by My Humps. I definitely need to fix the damn burner in my laptop :p
- Mood: doing pretty good all things considered
- Music: My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
The things you don't see
I'm catching up with my two bestfriends from UCU, and one tells me that the brother of someone I knew at UCU hung himself two weeks ago. The girl and I weren't close, but we worked together because of the Dance Comittee myself and my two friends were on, and she's on of those people you'll always remember as being cool. One of the first questions my other bestfriend asked was whether or not the brother was having problems at school. The answer, "No, everything was fine."
Isn't that the way it usually comes out? Either the person in question was extremely troubled, so suicide doesn't come as a surprise, or no one had any idea anything was wrong, but it's always the things you don't see. Everything always seems fine but there's probably one area of the person's life that's falling apart that no one sees. I suppose that sometimes that could even make the situation worse and the person could be driven over the edge wondering what people would think when it comes to light that everything really isn't fine.
I hope God will help her find comfort somehow. Losing a loved one is never easy, no matter what the conditions that they go under are, it's always very, very hard.
Isn't that the way it usually comes out? Either the person in question was extremely troubled, so suicide doesn't come as a surprise, or no one had any idea anything was wrong, but it's always the things you don't see. Everything always seems fine but there's probably one area of the person's life that's falling apart that no one sees. I suppose that sometimes that could even make the situation worse and the person could be driven over the edge wondering what people would think when it comes to light that everything really isn't fine.
I hope God will help her find comfort somehow. Losing a loved one is never easy, no matter what the conditions that they go under are, it's always very, very hard.
Intellectually stimulating and fun!
This game is seriously sweet... for all those Common Entrance mental ability buffs (yes, my time was pre-GSAT), check this out:
How Fast Can You Think?
http://www.gieson.com/Library/projects/games/matter/
My score the first time, with no cheats, was 863. Post a comment and let's see what we get going.
How Fast Can You Think?
http://www.gieson.com/Library/projects/games/matter/
My score the first time, with no cheats, was 863. Post a comment and let's see what we get going.
- Mood: tired, it's been a long day
- Music: some street sound system playing I don't want to know
Do As I Say...
By the deeds that you do, by the words that you say;
Men read what you write, whether faithless or true—
Say, what is the "gospel" according to you? —Gilbert
"Do as I say, not as I do." I don't quite know where that saying came from but it's quite popular these days. This morning's ODB devotion was talking about this as well, that Christians need to be careful that their righteous and holy words match their actions else their "audience" is going to get mixed messages.
And isn't that the truth? I remember the girl that Jas' and I shared an apartment with was a trip. She was a minister in her church and had the most holier-than-thou attitude ever, but if you weren't a member of her congregation, she just didn't give two clicks about you. It wasn't that she was deliberately ill-mannered, it was as if she just didn't care.
I remember my Aunt and cousin came for Christmas, and we baked her a cake for her birthday and she had two bites and that was it. Then she'd talk bad about her fellow 'church sisters' behind their backs, wondering outloud why they thought she was monopolizing the pastor's time, when he was only 'helping' her. Even to the point where he was going to find her a plae to live - right across the street from the church, and rent free for the first three months, no less - so she could help with morning devotions.
I mean, okay, maybe nothing untoward was happening, but gosh. And then over Christmas (when we found out that in fact the pastor hadn't come through with the place to live) the choir master/music director started showing up. They'd spend their time in the living room in front the TV until all hours of the morning, which in essence is alright, but is quite inconsiderate when my Aunt and cousin are in the bedroom and she knows that Jas and I need to fold out the futon to sleep. I remember one night Jas and I just gave up and bedded down on the floor in the room with my Aunt and cousin and at sometime in the early morning hours she knocks on the door to say, "Oh, my company's gone now, so y'all come out." or something inane like that. I was too tired to curse her off, so I just told her curtly that it's okay, and shut the bedroom door firmly in her face.
It was even based on this 'house via pastor' that Jas and I had to plan and move on base because we wouldn't have been able to afford rent by ourselves (I couldn't work, no permit). Moving out in itself was a debacle, she was so far gone we nearly came to blows over a two-bit, cheap, Wal-mart toaster.
Sad, on my part too, I should've laughed in her face and gone back to the room and shut the door and ignored her manic screaming. Anyway, last thing I heard she was five months pregnant for the choir master/music director.
The moral of this story? If I wasn't already Catholic, she would've turned me off all forms of religion. And that's the saddest part right there, because who knows how many other potential Christians she turned off from God?
- Mood: tired as hell, did nothing but toss and turn all night
- Music: sirens on the main road
Doesn't sound like Sunday
I was opening up the house this morning when it hit me, Sunday doesn't sound like Sunday anymore. Yes, I live in the V space between the meeting point of two major roads but still, a couple years ago Sunday morning was still quiet. It's like when I first came down six months ago (I've been here six months already? Now that's depressing.) I wondered where all the traffic on the main road the complex opens onto came from. It just never used to be this congested! Some would say it's a sign of progress. I say it's the sign of uncoming headaches: longer traffic delays, more wasting gas, earlier waking-up times and increased propensity for migraines.
World Kindness Day
So anyway, today is World Kindness Day. And no it's not a random Blue Mountain or Hallmark day, it actually commemorates "the opening day of the first World Kindness Movement® conference held at Tokyo in 1998, and the 35th anniversary of the Small Kindness Movement of Japan, which brought the signatories of the ‘declaration of kindness’ of the World Kindness Movement together in 1997," according to an Australian Kindness website.
Today's ODB (Our Daily Bread) mentioned it as well, which was kinda cool:
Lord, compassion is part of Your character, and
kindness is one of the best ways to show the world what You are like.
May Your compassion fill my heart and spill over into the lives
of everyone I encounter. Amen.
Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.
World Kindness DaySo anyway, today is World Kindness Day. And no it's not a random Blue Mountain or Hallmark day, it actually commemorates "the opening day of the first World Kindness Movement® conference held at Tokyo in 1998, and the 35th anniversary of the Small Kindness Movement of Japan, which brought the signatories of the ‘declaration of kindness’ of the World Kindness Movement together in 1997," according to an Australian Kindness website.
Today's ODB (Our Daily Bread) mentioned it as well, which was kinda cool:
kindness is one of the best ways to show the world what You are like.
May Your compassion fill my heart and spill over into the lives
of everyone I encounter. Amen.
Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.
- Mood: still a bit sleepy
Migraines and the BMW 7 series
This migraine ranks up there as one of the worst ever. I can't believe I'm actually here staring at the laptop but oh well. When I came in from work (and you know I must've looked like crap when I was leaving because the gym guy, who usually shouts down as I drive out to ask why I'm not going to work out, took one look at me and said, "Yes Kim, go home and lie down.") I went straight upstairs, and crashed on the bed in the pitch black house. The only reasons I'm down here now are: 1. food and 2. I thought J would be online by now.
And I lay this migraine squarely at the feet of the BMW 7 series. I didn't even see the car today at the ADA 2005 Motor Show at the National Arena but it still gave me a headache. I mean, J$23,000,000.00 for a car? And those are the right amount of zeros. That's like approximately US$359,000.00. Of course the car wasn't at the show, was all I could say after hearing the price, the people who can afford to buy a car like that would never have to mingle with us plebs, I'm sure they'd drive the damn car to their residence for them! I'd already had a headache after one of the reporters from work pointed out that the J$115,000+ listed in the windscreen of one BMW sedan was not the down payment but the monthly payment, the downpayment being a measly half a million Jamaican dollars. All I could blurt out was, "So what must the insurance on these things be like?!"I was wayyy out of my league.
So I took myself upstairs to the model cars section, where I found a nice yellow Initial D RX-7 FD3S for J$3000.00, which I'll be getting J for Christmas. Speaking of upstairs, right before the model cars booth I was accosted by an NBC representative. She definitely gets points for her approach though, she wasn't pushy or overbearing or rude or anything, so I went over to hear what she had to say. Since we were at a car show, her first spiel was about a car loan. I think I shocked her with my declaration of love for Max, my 15-year-old car that I refuse to part with. On hearing Nissan 240SX she couldn't hide the complete look of "Huh?" from her face, but she gets points for the comeback, "Well, it sure sounds fast." Sadly, I had to point out that Max, in fact, isn't fast (the car should do somewhere around 16.55 on the quarter mile, he's built to corner not go in a straight line). So anyway, I patiently explained that my goal is to set-up my car, not sell it. At which point she proceeded to tell me that a credit card was exactly the thing for me.Jamaica, we're in trouble. Because here I was thinking to myself that I was doing the right thing by waiting until I saved up enough from my paycheque to actually afford the parts and mods without credit. God help us, another trait from our northern neighbours is knocking on the door.
- Mood: miserable, migraines suck
- Music: some street dance on Red Hills Road
Gas madness again
On the heels of my blog this morning mentioning the gas riots, it's madness on the streets. In just about an hour, all our gas stations are going to shut down, possibly until at least Friday. I mean, I can understand the cause, and I understand that they cannot operate when their margin has been cut from 8.2% to 3%, but shutting down all the stations? There are police directing traffic, stations out of gas, window wipers harassing the motorists because traffic is at a standstill and drivers abandoning their vehicles to walk. Pissing off the general public might not help their cause because as the JGRA president rightly said on Cover Story on Kool 97FM, it's us motorists and the gasoline retailers that have to live, not the bigger heads up in Miami who they're trying to force into action.
Read more about the situation online:
Esso dealers to discuss next move today
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/news/html/20051108T220000-500_92134_OBS_ESSO_DEALERS_TO_DISCUSS_NEXT_MOVE_TODAY.asp
JGRA considering shutdown of other service stations
http://www.rjr94fm.com/news/story.php?category=2&story=21218
Esso stand-off set to escalate - Gas retailers hang tough in pricing row
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20051109/lead/lead5.html
Postscript: Well, they called off the two-day strike. Don't I feel glad that I came straight home and didn't bother joining any long line? And my half a tank is still going strong. Here are some more articles...
Normality returns to petroleum sector
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/news/html/20051110T220000-0500_92265_OBS_NORMALITY_RETURNS_TO_PETROLEUM_SECTOR.asp
FTC probing Esso's pricing policy
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20051111/lead/lead4.html
Heaven (JGRA president) appologises for consumer gas scare
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20051111/lead/lead5.html
Read more about the situation online:
Esso dealers to discuss next move today
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/news/html/20051108T220000-500_92134_OBS_ESSO_DEALERS_TO_DISCUSS_NEXT_MOVE_TODAY.asp
JGRA considering shutdown of other service stations
http://www.rjr94fm.com/news/story.php?category=2&story=21218
Esso stand-off set to escalate - Gas retailers hang tough in pricing row
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20051109/lead/lead5.html
Postscript: Well, they called off the two-day strike. Don't I feel glad that I came straight home and didn't bother joining any long line? And my half a tank is still going strong. Here are some more articles...
Normality returns to petroleum sector
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/news/html/20051110T220000-0500_92265_OBS_NORMALITY_RETURNS_TO_PETROLEUM_SECTOR.asp
FTC probing Esso's pricing policy
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20051111/lead/lead4.html
Heaven (JGRA president) appologises for consumer gas scare
http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20051111/lead/lead5.html
France and the third-world idea
Interesting stuff the riots happening in France, huh? Although they've calmed down now, according to an MSNBC report I just read I still think it's interesting that a major Euro zone country could have riots for that long. Back in the '90s we only shut down Kingston for aout 3 days with the gas riots, and true metropolitan Paris was largely unaffected, but 1,000 cars torched? Schools, nurseries, homes burned? At least we only loot and block roads for the most part. There was even a report of an old woman on a bus being doused with an accelerant and set afire.
And these so-called first world countries like to look down on us here. Already the finger pointing has started. Immigrants. Arabs. Africans. People from low-income communities. People from the projects. I'm sure some of these people have been naturalised? Tempers can flare and riots can happen anywhere in the world. I'm just so tired of people ascribing things to 'third-world country behaviour', like that woman in the States who had to give birth during Katrina. She had the audacity to say that her birthing was under 'third-world conditions'. And then there's the man who heads the Red Cross for that area, saying that going into Biloxi, Mississippi was like going into a 'third-world country'.
Obviously, these people never got a glimpse of Bulbie's river-view mansion (complete with sattelite dish and three water tanks) in Clarendon. Maybe it's being lumped together that I'm fighting against. But I'm sure even in Africa, which most of these first-world country-ites seem to forget isn't just one big whopping country (as a side note, how many people know exactly how many countries there are on the African continent anyway?), there must be big houses, people driving big cars, living the life, I can attest to it. I haven't been there but one of my old housemates from Holland is from South Africa and I've seen pictures. So what's this third-world country thing about anyway?
Power.
When I was younger I once asked when Jamaica was going to step up and become a second-world country. The answer I got was that second-world countries are communist. Right. So apparently we'll never be first world (imagine us having a permanent seat on the UN Security Council for example?), so we're stuck in a category that even though it originated to describe political structures, is currently used to link us to being backward, lacking modern technological advacements, and generally just being in the stone ages.
Okay, sure, we do murder a lot of people here, and we do need to do something about the level of crime and violece. But it's not as if Jamaica is the only place in the world that murders take place? Is it? These so-called third-world country offences happen elsewhere as well, like riots, as the people of France can now attest. The world (more like the first-world) needs to just wake up and recognise. It's at your gates - suffering and loss from natural disasters, the fear of a car-bombing, riots - we're pretty much all on the same street now.
And these so-called first world countries like to look down on us here. Already the finger pointing has started. Immigrants. Arabs. Africans. People from low-income communities. People from the projects. I'm sure some of these people have been naturalised? Tempers can flare and riots can happen anywhere in the world. I'm just so tired of people ascribing things to 'third-world country behaviour', like that woman in the States who had to give birth during Katrina. She had the audacity to say that her birthing was under 'third-world conditions'. And then there's the man who heads the Red Cross for that area, saying that going into Biloxi, Mississippi was like going into a 'third-world country'.
Obviously, these people never got a glimpse of Bulbie's river-view mansion (complete with sattelite dish and three water tanks) in Clarendon. Maybe it's being lumped together that I'm fighting against. But I'm sure even in Africa, which most of these first-world country-ites seem to forget isn't just one big whopping country (as a side note, how many people know exactly how many countries there are on the African continent anyway?), there must be big houses, people driving big cars, living the life, I can attest to it. I haven't been there but one of my old housemates from Holland is from South Africa and I've seen pictures. So what's this third-world country thing about anyway?
Power.
When I was younger I once asked when Jamaica was going to step up and become a second-world country. The answer I got was that second-world countries are communist. Right. So apparently we'll never be first world (imagine us having a permanent seat on the UN Security Council for example?), so we're stuck in a category that even though it originated to describe political structures, is currently used to link us to being backward, lacking modern technological advacements, and generally just being in the stone ages.
Okay, sure, we do murder a lot of people here, and we do need to do something about the level of crime and violece. But it's not as if Jamaica is the only place in the world that murders take place? Is it? These so-called third-world country offences happen elsewhere as well, like riots, as the people of France can now attest. The world (more like the first-world) needs to just wake up and recognise. It's at your gates - suffering and loss from natural disasters, the fear of a car-bombing, riots - we're pretty much all on the same street now.
- Mood: hungry, dreading running my errands today
- Music: the hum of the laptop...
post script
My leaky roof analogy is missing something. I've been staring at it for the past 15 minutes and I finally realised what it is. There's the roof caving in, ripping the umbrella to shreds and burning the house down but what about if you've made a long-term/lifelong committment to the house, say you've bought it? Then you'd simply rebuild, and keep rebuilding... if you're dedicated enough.
Well, no one has ever said that Leos lack in the determination department!
Analysing situations when you've calmed down sure makes life a lot simpler :-)
Well, no one has ever said that Leos lack in the determination department!
Analysing situations when you've calmed down sure makes life a lot simpler :-)
- Mood : sleepy...
Sometimes.
"Sometimes it's not about what you want, it's about what you can deal with." - 05/11/05I'm sitting here realising that in terms of a particular situation that's been troubling me, no one's been able to tell me how to make it stop, but everyone has been quite gung-ho about ow I can deal with it or contain it.
It's like giving a man with a leaky roof an umbrella rather than something to seal his roof and stop the leak. One day, either the whole roof might cave in or he may get so fed up that he rips the umbrella to shreds and burns the whole house down.
Realising this has made me very sad. Esepcially because this is what I think I was trying to get at with the long ass post I made earlier.
I wish my foot wasn't still bandaged, then I could go and run the Hill and forget...
My life is a spectator sport
Sometimes I feel like my life is a spectator sport. It's like The Price is Right meets Jeopardy or maybe Who Wants to Be a Millionaire with permanent lifelines, always there shouting the answers. I feel like I'm always being told what to do.
I don't think I can remember the last time someone actually asked me, "So Kim, what do you want to do about
That I feel this way is actually damned funny because I was told the other day that I'm always telling people what to do, and that I need to listen more. And that's true. Quite frankly I don't know... sometimes I, well no, I pride myself on being a Leo, and we are supposed to be bossy (as a negative trait anyway) but more and more I'm beginning to realise that my bossy/interfering/overbearing tendencies may be a response to feeling cowed down by others. Unfortunately the response doesn't come immediately after I've been cowed down. So say I feel that way today, I may not be bossy or patronising to that same person until next week, and so they wouldn't be able to make the connection that I'm being that way because of the last time they cowed me down.
(If you haven't noticed by now, I'm rambling.)
Digressing actually.
Okay, a spectator sport, it's one that many people find entertaining to watch. This has got to be true for my life, else so many people wouldn't have agreed with me when I say that my life is like a soap opera. Many people have the same morbid curiousity about my life like they do about soap operas. That's why, for example, when I went to Carib last week to watch The Legend of Zorro a concessionaire thought to come over and ask how my mother was doing, and why before I could answer, the two concessionaires who had been serving me were able to exclaim, "What? How you mean to seh you never hear!" and the second goes, "Wait, a nuh all two year now?" while the first is asking, "You never know seh is her mother wash weh and dead?" and then the third answers "Is her mother did wash weh at Cassia Park?!" looking over at me in open-mouthed horror. I barely managed to get a "Yes" in edgewise and I was only called upon to speak and say "I'm doing okay" in answer to "Lawd, is how yu managing?"
You'd think I'd love this because I'm a Leo right? And according to Skyscript, an astrology website:
They are attracted to passion, drama and crave attention. This latter is particularly evident in Leos, who revel in positions that draw attention to them; where it is not forthcoming they will make conscious and unconscious attempts to foster it though the use of strong, vivid colours, dramatic gestures and overblown expressions.
Unconscious, eh? How depressing. That means I actually attract this kind of drama to myself, even though from 19-how-long I've been singing NO MORE DRAMA right along with Mary J? Maybe instead of shying away from confrontations, and stuffing all my emotions inside, ignoring when people hurt my feelings, and generally turning the other cheek with the exceptions of a few escapee snide remarks I should just embrace my inner Leo and blaze and blaze all the jackasses who dare defy my majesty.
I actually like the sound of that
But while I have the balls to go charging across Jackshill to Norbrook like it's my personal touge, roaring down into hairpin turns braking later than even hardened looking Suzuki Swift GTi drivers (that's a story for another day) and having my male friends go, "Not me rasta, my balls shrink when I try to do shit like that," I'm not bad ass enough to become the consummate Leo. Bad, probably, because it means I'm scared and will always let my feelings be trampled upon. Good, definitely, because to be honest, the consummate Leo is a real bitch.
I guess the trick is to find a mid-point, and bring balance to this sport.
- Tags: thoughts
- Mood:contemplative
Under Construction
This is my blog's new home. Right now I'm busy copying the archived entries over from Livejournal. It's a slow process because I have to do them one by one, but I've already gotten through 2004, so hopefully I'll be done this weekend.
Harry Potter Mania
Now that Anne Rice has completed her Vampire Chronicles and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy is long ended, Christmas means Harry Potter :)
Thanks Clau! (And I always knew I'd be in Gryffindor, I'm a Leo afterall... well no, Slytherin would've worked too for a Leo I suppose, but no, I'm a Gryffindor through and through!)
And J would be in Gryffindor as well, I guess we were just meant to be :-)
Thanks Clau! (And I always knew I'd be in Gryffindor, I'm a Leo afterall... well no, Slytherin would've worked too for a Leo I suppose, but no, I'm a Gryffindor through and through!)
And J would be in Gryffindor as well, I guess we were just meant to be :-)
One liners...
Just some random one liners that I've come accross in the past 12 hours:
There's no point in burying the hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site.
- Sydney J. Harris
The positive focus of positive energy can create a positive reality, for oneself and for others.
Trust: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
- Mood:i feel crappy
People are always telling me that my mother is here watching over me, but that doesn't help the fact that I still miss her very much. I miss talking to her. Moms was also my best friend, more like a sister after I went off to college, and I really miss having her around to talk to. Somedays I miss having her around because she knew me, really knew me. She understood the nuances of my voice, how I phrase my words, when I really am upset, when I'm joking, how I go about trying to find answers and understand things... she just knew me, and I was getting to know her. I knew when she was upset and I could read her expressions and body language to see how she had taken something I'd just said. I miss that.
I really miss her opinions as well. Moms always knew what to say. I'm always hearing that I'm a know-it-all but I still subscribe to one of Moms' life lessons, it went something like, someone who's truly smart knows that they know nothing at all. Or something like that. Moms knew that when I really wanted to help, I'd start firing off suggestions a mile a minute, hoping to ease the other peron's pain, or just give them a bunch of options to either choose from, or dissect to make their own option. Nowadays, I'm always hearing that I'm telling people what to do, and that I act too empowered, as if I always have the perfect answer. But Moms understood that my knee-jerk suggestion/advice giving response was because I like helping people and I also hate being helpless. Being helpless is one of my greatest fears, along with being rejected or abandoned. The thought of not having any options paralyzes me. That's why I cringe whenever I hear someone say, "Oh, I don't have any choice."
Moms also understood that I saw the world in black or white. She always tried to get me to see the shades of grey, but I guess I'm like my father: everything can be simplified. Kind of like a mathematical equation. Take my approach to life's problems. There are always going to be problems, at least the way I see it, so you can either let your problems stump you or deal. 'Dealing' isn't necessarily instantaneous, and Moms knew that I saw it that way. I mean, I still haven't 'dealt' with the fact that she's really gone and not coming back. And yes, there was a time, a long time, where I let my grief 'stump' me, but I know that death is something we all have to face eventually, so I have to keep dealing, day by day, and each time when I miss her as much as I do now.
Oh, for one of her life lessons! The one that will always stay with me is: The Universe is perfect and everything is as it should be. That came along with, be careful what you ask for and how you phrase what you ask for. (If you're lost, you can read The Game of Life and How to Play It, I'm so happy Moms bought me one). Moms was also really big on "Those who know better do better", which is why I've been able to get a handle on my temper. I'm sure most people don't see the progress I've made because let's face it, I still lose my temper sometimes, and no one ever remembers the good anyway. When things get heated, most people can only remember the bad. I try to remember the good. Moms knew that was just how I am, and that it didn't have anything to do with me trying to be better than anyone else. I mean, when I was younger I used to say random stuff like, "Mommy, I think if people spent more time looking up at the clouds they'd be happier, 'cause aren't the clouds pretty? God's great!" Yes, that was me.
I guess I just miss being automatically being understood without having to explain. No, actually that's unfair. I miss not being misunderstood even more. I miss that alot. These days no matter how hard I try, or how long I go on explaining myself, I'm always saying or doing something wrong, or not understanding, or not helping and supporting. I feel like such a failure. And then I hear that I have no reason to be sad, and that I complain too much, or that I don't care enough, or sometimes that's too much.
I think I miss my mother as well because when she was alive things were simpler. I guess I'm trying to be my own Peter Pan. At least that's how I was when she'd just died. Now, I really just miss talking to her, and hearing her talk back.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad
Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach Their Kids About Money - That The Poor And Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki with Sharon L. Lechter... it's a really good book, which I'd definitely recommend to anyone. You've got to read it carefully though because there are many differences between the US and Jamaican legal and tax systems, and just our cultures in general (for example, I've never really heard of a Jamaican talking about their car as an asset, I mean let's face it, you're more likely to lose the whole thing in one of these pot holes, so unless it's running a robot taxi, a car out here is just not an asset).
There are good tips though, especially the main tip which is just to enhance your financial intelligence - which is something we're not taught in schools. Trust me, get the book it's worth it.
Here's a diagram that I randomly found online that describes something talkd about in the book. It shows why how the middle class spends their money doesn't add up to them becoming rich because instead of buy stocks/bonds etc that add to the asset columns, the middle class only spend their income on expenses like food/credit card and liabilities like home (mortgage, tax etc):
This is the website I got that diagram from Click Here.
There are good tips though, especially the main tip which is just to enhance your financial intelligence - which is something we're not taught in schools. Trust me, get the book it's worth it.
Here's a diagram that I randomly found online that describes something talkd about in the book. It shows why how the middle class spends their money doesn't add up to them becoming rich because instead of buy stocks/bonds etc that add to the asset columns, the middle class only spend their income on expenses like food/credit card and liabilities like home (mortgage, tax etc):
This is the website I got that diagram from Click Here.
Traffic Tales V
This one is actually about traffic itself because ever since I got my A/C compressor installed I haven't really been driving around with my windows down in traffic. Actually, that's not entirely true, I just don't drive down Balmoral and up Maxfield Avenue into Half-Way-Tree to go home anymore because the traffic is just ridiculous. I've also started going to the gym here at work, which allows me to stay late enough to avoid the worst parts of the traffic.
But it's still CRAZY. And being pelted with rain since mid-September doesn't help any either. I mean I nearly hydro-locked my engine dropping J to the airport on October 10 because of all the water on the road. (FYI this puddle in question, well no LAKE appeared out of no where, it's down on the new 'high way' that leads from downtown over to Harbour View.) Anyway, we don't have the best short term drainage systems here in Jamaica and it's like whenever rain falls everyone forgets how to drive. So that basically means that everyone has been driving like a lunatic since mid-September. Yours truly included. I can be honest. I mean like last night I just put my car into a spot trying to get from Beechwood onto Lyndhurst Road. Unfortunately, traffic didn't move the way I wanted it to and I ended up having to reverse up Beechwood Road a little bit, and then take some serious backroads just to get to Half-Way-Tree, which surprisingly enough was devoid of the usual traffic.
Let's not talk about the clothes situation. Last week was the first time since J left that clothes have been washed and allowed to drive. I was almost running out of clothes, which just made me miss Louisiana more because over half my clothes are still there. Everything makes me miss being there with J to be honest so let me not get started. Although last Halloween was bittersweet - don't ask, if you don't already know about it, I'm not mentioning it, this one is going with me to the grave - but still, we were together. I remember a bunch of us went to see Saw and I got a ridiculous headache because I hate movies like that, but it felt nice to be able to tuck my head into J's shoulder for the whole movie.
And now I'm here alone. This sucks donkey balls. I'm rambling... but I don't want to go and get into the traffic! Olivia just walked past me and said that she's going to go and sit in the traffic. My reply? I'm stalling. I mean let's face it, I'm obviously not sitting here doing work. The livejournal update screen doesn't resemble our news editing software in the slightest :-p Not only that, my bags are packed: the handbag is out the filing cabinet and on the desk, my notebooks are stacked and my car keys are right here beside me. Okay, it's 6:41 now, aaargh T just called to find out if I want to go and play kalooki, I don't know. I might be so damn tired after fighting up in the traffic that I may just need to sleep. Yesterday I was SO tired, my knees, shoulders, everything hurt. J should be home by the time I get there. I dunno... 6:42... it seems like time has stalled as well.
Ahh to hell with it. I may as well just leave, thank God for A/C and a radio.
But it's still CRAZY. And being pelted with rain since mid-September doesn't help any either. I mean I nearly hydro-locked my engine dropping J to the airport on October 10 because of all the water on the road. (FYI this puddle in question, well no LAKE appeared out of no where, it's down on the new 'high way' that leads from downtown over to Harbour View.) Anyway, we don't have the best short term drainage systems here in Jamaica and it's like whenever rain falls everyone forgets how to drive. So that basically means that everyone has been driving like a lunatic since mid-September. Yours truly included. I can be honest. I mean like last night I just put my car into a spot trying to get from Beechwood onto Lyndhurst Road. Unfortunately, traffic didn't move the way I wanted it to and I ended up having to reverse up Beechwood Road a little bit, and then take some serious backroads just to get to Half-Way-Tree, which surprisingly enough was devoid of the usual traffic.
Let's not talk about the clothes situation. Last week was the first time since J left that clothes have been washed and allowed to drive. I was almost running out of clothes, which just made me miss Louisiana more because over half my clothes are still there. Everything makes me miss being there with J to be honest so let me not get started. Although last Halloween was bittersweet - don't ask, if you don't already know about it, I'm not mentioning it, this one is going with me to the grave - but still, we were together. I remember a bunch of us went to see Saw and I got a ridiculous headache because I hate movies like that, but it felt nice to be able to tuck my head into J's shoulder for the whole movie.
And now I'm here alone. This sucks donkey balls. I'm rambling... but I don't want to go and get into the traffic! Olivia just walked past me and said that she's going to go and sit in the traffic. My reply? I'm stalling. I mean let's face it, I'm obviously not sitting here doing work. The livejournal update screen doesn't resemble our news editing software in the slightest :-p Not only that, my bags are packed: the handbag is out the filing cabinet and on the desk, my notebooks are stacked and my car keys are right here beside me. Okay, it's 6:41 now, aaargh T just called to find out if I want to go and play kalooki, I don't know. I might be so damn tired after fighting up in the traffic that I may just need to sleep. Yesterday I was SO tired, my knees, shoulders, everything hurt. J should be home by the time I get there. I dunno... 6:42... it seems like time has stalled as well.
Ahh to hell with it. I may as well just leave, thank God for A/C and a radio.
- Tags: thoughts
- Mood:aggravated - stupid traffic!!
- Music:the buzz on the floor and one of the TVs
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